I don't have dreams. Ever. But last night I had probably the oddest dream anyone has ever had in the existence of mankind. It opened like a movie, literally credits and everything. Turned out I was still in college and it was time for the monthly WCAL radio meeting. So we are in that stupid conference room we always had meetings in and there were a couple new people that joined the station. The station manager, who I didn't know for some reason, introduced the new jocks. One of them was completely gorgeous. I have only met a few of them in my day but you know, the type of beautiful girl who literally makes you not be able to speak. And to tell you the truth, this girl looked like a girl I know, but that's as specific as it is going to get. I don't want to sound like any more of a prude than I already do. Anyways, this girl comes over to me and starts to talk to me right in the middle of the meeting. As time passes, she says for some odd reason, "let's go to the graveyard!" I have no idea why the hell anyone would want to ever go to the graveyard but I will go to a graveyard if a beautiful woman asks me to. No doubt. So we drive there and it isn't anything special, but there are some specifics about it that I didn't quite understand. For some reason, right near the graveyard was this older looking house that looked extremely out of place, especially since there is an elliptical machine right outside the house under the tree. Yes, an elliptical. So there are some guys out and about in the graveyard, obviously people whom work there and we kind of walk around a bit and leave.
Next thing I know, her and I are in the school cafeteria getting some dinner. Now, the cafeteria was nothing like I imagined and had many other things besides food in it. Shit like cell phone accessories and an impulse item section were scattered around where the food was. It didn't make any sense, but what happened next does. After getting some food I go to check out. The woman at the checkout literally rips my phone out of my hand and claims that I have stolen it from the cafeteria. Outraged, I actually bellow about the whole situation and everyone is looking at us as we flail and yell at each other for a short period of time. After a flip over a few tables because of how outrageous the whole situation it is, they realize their mistake and give my phone back. That was that. So I walk back to where the girl is sitting and we eat...only there was not much eating going down. Apparently she was so impressed with the gorilla type display I just put on, it was time.You can only imagine where it goes from here.
After that long ordeal was over and done with, she asks me to go to the graveyard again. At this point, I really dont give a damn to be honest and I just go. We drive to the same graveyard and those people are still wandering around the grounds but nowhere near where we park and for some reason the girl heads towards the mysterious looking house. She breaks into the house through one of the side windows and I go right after her for some idiotic reason. It looks just like my ex girlfriends house on the inside but there are people in there who I have never met before. We hold a complete conversation with each other until I realize I left my phone in the car and head out the side window to get it. Why in God's name we never use the front door is beyond me, but kind of funny. So I get outside and those people whom I thought worked there were actually just zombies roaming the premises and had gotten much closer to the weird house were in. They catch a glimpse of me and they are off for the races after me. By my count there are five of them, none more intimidating than the next. Being the awesome person I am, and apparently knowing some sort of martial art in my dream, I fight these heathens off with nothing more than a few round house kicks. I grab my phone, and head back into the house. The mystery girl who has drug me to the graveyard twice now, made me get yelled at for no good reason, and also made me have a completely awkward conversation with a family I did not know saw every thing I had just done to those zombies. Yeah.........Last thing I remember is an extremely corny orchestral song, probably something like that one song from Jurassic Park, was being played as I once again climb out of the window. You know, this one.
I step on the elliptical under the tree as the sun is setting and I ride, in place, into the sunset. What an epic frigging dream.
Now there are a few things I realized from this dream. I obviously have been exercising waaaaaaay too much. When a dream ends with you getting on an elliptical, that should tell you something. Secondly, I apparently will do anything for my phone. I will go as far as acting like an animal to get it back. And third, and most importantly, I need a girl in my life.... badly... I really don't hope I have dreams like that very often. That shit was nerve racking.
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