Being that most of my clients at work are from the New Jersey/ New York area, I was kind of bored at work this past week. Trying to figure out what to do with my time, I suggested to one of my co-workers that we write a story. The rules were we write two sentences and pass it on. I hope you enjoy what we came up with. By the way, a lot of the things mentioned in our story have to do with our job. So if you do not understand, such as the character Ecru is a color of paper, just look it up or ask. Enjoy!
Once upon a time there was a man named Carlsbad. Carlsbad, though highly touted with many honors and riches, was not your normal teenage boy. Being the eldest of his many brothers, he was bound by duty to carry on the family name by being wed to a lady of another fine house and producing offspring. But in reality, Carlsbad really just wanted to dance. You see, dance is the national sport in the land of Envelopia, and Carlsbad had mad skills. His moves were known for miles around as he brought champions to their knees with his patented move, the Charleston. Carlsbad dreamed of a carefree life full of dance and music, but the reality of his situation was starting to sink in. His 21st birthday was drawing near and therefore the date of his arranged marriage to Lady Penelope of House Baronial.
Lady Penelope had long platinum blond hair and stunningly distinct features. Her hair, almost a warm white, and her gorgeous features would have made any man swoon after her… But Carlsbad was her one and only.
Because they were betrothed at a very young age, Penelope and Carlsbad had met on many occasions at formal functions through the years. She was madly in love with him but harbored a deep secret that kept her lying awake at night with worry and dread that Carlsbad could never love her because, alas, she could not dance. This deep, dwindling, and treacherous secret has harbored many long nights for Penelope being that she was kept awake into the wee hours of the morning. She could not take the pain of what she thought would be the forthcoming disappointment of her newfound friend, lover, and soon to be husband.. Penelope had heard rumors about a witch that lived in the enchanted forest of Cordenons that would mix potions and cast spells for a price. She set about trying to find out if these rumors were true as she planned to ask the witch to cast a spell on her that would allow her to dance beautifully and therefore forever win the love of Carlsbad.
The journey was one of deep mystery and enchantment, and to be honest one that Penelope did not want to travel alone. “Whom shall I request to accompany me on this journey of passion and fulfillment” Penelope asked with a gleam in her eye. With little hesitation she decided to ask her most trusted companion and Lady in Waiting, Neenah of House Ecru. Although Ecru was a lesser House than Baronial and Neenah was technically a servant, they had grown to be the closest of friends over the years. Ecru, a mute in personality but not in heart, mundanely obliged with a swift shrug of the shoulders, and her and Penelope were now off on the journey of a lifetime. “What if we get there and the witch is out of potion, Ecru? What shall we do then” Penelope said. Ecru, unable to speak but fluent in sign language (a handy thing to know in the least), rapidly signed that if the witch was out of potion that there was an Arthur Murray dance studio that recently opened up in town. Penelope did not find the statement humorous, huffed and expressed disdain at Ecru’s attempted joke. After misunderstanding Ecru’s impression of a bird as sign language for “I need to get my prostate examined”, Penelope was oddly disgusted and confused, while Ecru was offended by the fact that her spot on impression of a swallow was not embraced by her friend. But alas, the trip was much shorter than they thought, as they come across a bargain basement witches hut called “Gamma Green’s- You Get What You Pay For- Confectionary”. They eagerly entered the establishment with the highest of hopes but to their dismay, discovered that Gamma Green’s only accepted Diners Club credit cards and first born children of newly married couples. Ecru urged Lady Penelope to leave as quickly as possible but before they could get to the door they were approached by a salesman by the name of Speckletone, who was known for his ability to talk anyone into a sale.
Speckletone, notorious for his smooth talking, wooed the girls into submission complementing them on their dimples and hourglass figures. “Shall I interest you lovely ladies in some tonics for your sharp minds, beautifully shaped figures, or sultry souls” Speckle poked.
Ecru was especially taken with Speckeltone and was about to agree to purchase a potion that would make her eyebrows blue when Penelope suddenly remembered the purpose of their visit. “STOP!” she screamed “We came for a dance potion and a dance potion only, now what is the price?”
“The price is what you seek yet you are so demanding… you must cool your jets before we talk numbers” Speckletone stated. And in an instant, before either Penelope or Ecru could get a word in, Speckletone was sprinting away as fast as any man had ever ran (he used a fast potion) saying “you, my dear, have an attitude problem. Maybe I will see you again some day.”
They left the shop with heavy hearts and little hope for Penelope’s future. Suddenly, from around the corner, stepped a shady looking fellow in a blue trench coat who asked “Wanna buy a Rolex?” Not really knowing what a Rolex was, the ladies were taken aback by the miscreant in the dirty trench coat. “What are you looking to buy, a Rolex?” asked the miscreant, whose voice sounded very familiar to Penelope. Being distraught and desperate she explained her plight to the man in the trench coat. He raised an eyebrow as he listened and grinned a sly grin before responding. Penelope’s heart sank because her secret was now out! As she stared into the face of her future husband she noticed that his left eye was green and his right eye was blue which indicated that this was not Carlsbad but was Marlsbad, his younger twin brother!
Marlsbad, though looking maniacal in his blue cloak, he is nothing but a gigantic softy. “Hey girls, I was just worried about you since you weren’t around for a couple of hours. My brother sent me, being that he is dancing his balls off for the king. Honestly, I just wanted to make surealright and to say hey” exclaimed Marlsbad. What he forgot to inform them was that even though he was taking online courses on potions, he wasn’t very good at it since not one person was actually there to supervise his potions. Penelope and Ecru should have known better when they witnessed him make some sort of concoction at Ye Olde Taco Belle including Pepsi, Sierra Mist, and Bahama Blast. But they ignored their inner warnings and let him delicately sprinkle his concoction onto Penelope’s feet. Her feet immediately started to move to the rhythm of the song that was playing at the time (One Republic’s Good Life). How in God’s name any person could ever dance to the awful offbeat rhythms of that song is beyond this storytellers grasp, but yet she did. She danced, and danced, and danced until eventually she slipped on some taco meat that was negligently left on the floor.
Later, as the doctor explained that her leg had been so severely broken that she would never walk again without assistance, she wept at the fact that her dream was achieved and smashed all in the same day. Carlsbad then rushed through the door, having heard of her misfortune.” My dearest darling Penelope, I heard what happened from your messenger pigeon and I came waltzing down the street as fast as I possibly could” Carlsbad pleaded. The look in Penelopes eyes was one of worry yet sadness for what had happened… She couldn’t help but worry about breaking the news to the one she loved. She recounted the entire ordeal to Carlsbad, who was amazed at the lengths that Penelope gone to just to make him happy. He exclaimed “I love thee Lady Penelope, whether you can dance or not, I love the with all of my heart!” Ecru, witnessing the whole ordeal, and of course being the way she is, could not express what she was feeling for the two of them. “Will you still love me as a paraplegic who can’t dance? For that is what I shall be till the end of days.” Penelope asked. Carlsbad exclaimed “Yes, I shall love you until the end of our days.” At the same time Marlsbad expressed his secret love for Ecru, who using sign language, told Marlsbad that she loved him as well.… or at least we think that is what she said. And thus, a few short months later, the two wed in the most beautiful and illustrious wedding one has ever witnessed. Words can not describe the monstrous size of everything about the wedding, for bigger is, in fact, better.
And they lived happily ever after. Until a giant meteorite annihilated the entire kingdom.
Just kidding everything was swell.
