Keys to the City

Hey great news everybody! Usually something as prestigious as getting the keys to a city is due to something that was done by a certain someone that is very special or noteworthy. Hell even heroism falls under that category. But guess who got the keys to the city of North Miami recently? These assclowns.



Well, things are looking up for me I guess. If they can do something noteworthy and get recognition for it, I guess anyone can. I mean, besides the fact that the two on the outside are basically riding the coat tails of their incredibly attractive sister Kim, what else have they done? By the way, I do in fact know their names, I am just saying "the one on the left and right" to illustrate how unimportant they are. Hell, so is Kim as a matter of fact, but she has nice cans, so at least she has SOMETHING going for her.

So I say to you, mayor of North Miami. I have done many things in my life that, apparently, make me worthy for the same keys you gave the Kardashian clan. Let me enlighten you, sir. Do you remember the time I once walked down the street? That was pretty memorable. How about that one time I went to the grocery store and bought some eggplant. Priceless. Wait one second, I forgot about that one thing that happened to me. This one time I got in my car and drove to work. Then I worked for eight hours and came home. What a crazy day.

Noteworthy enough? Hmm? Let me know. I would like to throw a set of keys to Miami on my key ring. Never know when I may need them.