Scouts and Epstein

I watched a documentary this evening about something that was a large part of my childhood. This was something that, for some reason, is frowned upon by people now a days and I seriously have no idea why. Maybe it's the dorky uniforms, maybe it's the mainly male groupings, but I will tell you what it isn't... the comradery. You see, I watched a documentary about a couple of boys who are in a Boy Scout troop in Harlem, New York. The film was called, oddly enough, 759: Boy Scouts of Harlem.

I was a Boy Scout in troop 160 in the mean streets of Everson, Pennsylvania for almost 15 years if you include the couple of years I was also an Assistant Scout Master. So this film touched home a little bit.

I sat there watching these kids go to camp thinking, man do I miss those days. I miss all of the good things I learned and all of the bad things my fellow scouts and I did. I miss all of the dumb shit we used to get ourselves into, like the time a couple of friends and I somehow got lost in the woods for six hours. How did we get out you ask? The only way a scout knows... follow the sound of the gun range. Smart cookies we were. And we missed the best lunch of the week which happened to be something we called chicken butt holes. I will let your mind wonder on that one a bit. I even miss the merit badge classes oddly enough. One of those very classes that really sticks out in my mind was wilderness survival, where we actually had to build shelter in the middle of the woods and stay in it for a night. Needless to say I literally did not sleep a wink. Hell I even miss taking the rookie campers out snipe hunting. I honestly never thought I would say that.
  
Now not that this has anything to do with anything, but if you don't know what snipe hunting is, I will tell you in a brief moment. But what you have to understand is the fact that these kids would literally take anything an older scout would say to heart. They were at a the young, exuberant, and stupid age of about 11 or 12. We were 17 or so. I mean for God sake, just to play with their heads a little we used to carefully take their whole bunks out of their tent and put them in a completely different part of camp while they were sleeping. Nowhere that they would be in danger of course, but somewhere that is unfamiliar. Completely harmless fun. So like I said, one of the traditions was to take the rookie campers snipe hunting. This, of course, is the act of taking a couple of them out in the woods, telling them what a snipe is (a completely fictional animal in which you could make up the details) and telling them to catch one. Seeing their faces light up with excitement was hilarious in its own right, but seeing them lift up dead trees, gigantic rocks, and romp around in water was the cherry on top. God I miss all of that.

Unfortunately, we all have to grow up. From the 25 years or so I have now lived I can say with 100% honesty that two of my biggest accomplishments came from scouting. One of those was that I was able to participate in a ceremony at the tomb of the unknown solider in Washington DC. Not many people can say they have done that and it is a very important tradition in it's own right. Also, I can also say that I attained the rank of Eagle scout, which is also a rank not many people can say they have achieved. A lot of hard work and dedication goes into that award and no one can take that away from me. Here is a picture of me at my Eagle scout ceremony where I was young and weird looking.

I have met hundreds of people through scouting and I still talk to a lot of them today. The stories I could tell you... But most importantly scouting was something that I can share with my father. That is the one thing that I know my father and I will always have between us.

With all of that said, why do people think scouting is such a faux pas activity these days? I would like to think it is because of the before mentioned weird uniforms. I mean have you seen the shorts? 1950 called and wants it's length back. But I honestly don't think it is that. What I do think is that people look at it as sort of a thing of the past, like you can't learn anything from it anymore. Well I take that comment and raise you this... After sitting here and thinking about it a bit, my scouting days were sort of like college in a sense. I was there for a very long time, learned a bunch of crap that I will probably never use, and I met a lot of cool freaking people along the way. I grew as a person physically, mentally, and socially in both of those activities and they were both very useful in many different ways. But I will surely say this, I will tie a square knot a lot more than using my knowledge of how to load a reel to reel player. You can take that to the bank.

I guess what I am trying to say is that scouting had a huge influence on my life and I really wish more people would consider it as a learning tool. I used to get made fun of hardcore for being a part of it but I never thought for a second that I would quit. My kids will be involved in scouting and hopefully their kids and their kids as well.

Also...

Something very tragic has happened and I had no idea it actually happened until a day or so ago. I don't usually do this sort of thing on my blog or Facebook unless this person had a pretty important impact on my life. So with that said... One of my favorite television shows of all time is the timeless stories of an inner city school teacher by the name of Mr. Kotter. Mr. Kotter teaches a class full of misfits by the names of Barbarino, Horshack, Freddie Boom Boom Washington, and Epstein. These four guys were better known as the Sweathogs though. Needless to say, this show was very good and in my opinion one of the most timeless shows of all time. If you don't believe me, here is a clip from one of my favorite episodes.

If that didn't make you laugh there is seriously something wrong with you. Anyways... the reason I am writing this is because of the fact that I had no freaking idea Epstein, or Robery Hegyes, died on Thursday from a heart attack. He was 60 years old. A tragic loss in the pop culture world and the television community, here is to you Epstein! I am going to watch the entire first season in your memory. You will be missed sir.

Mind Grapes

I know I just harped about not using Yahoo anymore... so sue me... But I thought this was absolutely hilarious. There is an article on the front page right now giving people seven ways to keep your brain young. Meanwhile this is the picture representing the article..

More like...

Here is the secret to keeping your mind young, people. Don't get old. There it is. Now I saved you from reading that waste of time like I did. 

My All Star Family

As I sat there this morning watching the usual ESPN programming of Sportscenter about 12 times in a row, they played a vignette of NFL players who are going to be free agents this season. Two out of the top five free agents they talked about had the last name of Jackson. So it got me thinking... I knew there were a lot of players in sports with my last name, but how many? Well instead of actually counting how many, I decided to make an all star starting lineup for each sport from players with my last name. You would think this would be easy, but seriously it wasn't... I studied every player with my last name and their position. The players could be from present day players of past. And I chose the best possible players for their position.

I think I will start with baseball. You would think that there were many players with the last name of Jackson in the over 100 years of the sport, but you would be mistaken. In fact, only about 35 players with that last name have ever made the majors. The rest were career minor leaguers. So here is my starting lineup with that minimal talent to work with...

MLB

SP- Larry Jackson- 194 wins and 183 losses with a career 3.40 ERA with the Cardinals, Cubs, and Phillies.

C- Me- Unbelievably there has never ever been a major league catcher by the name of Jackson. I was   stunned. So being that I got a catchers glove recently, I will take the reigns. Unfortunately for my bad knees...

1B- Connor Jackson- This honestly was my best option. A career .271 hitter with 52 homers on the Diamondbacks, A's, and Bo Sox.

2B- Damian Jackson- A journeyman with a career .243 batting average with 32 homers on nine teams. My best choice... I swear

3B- Randy Jackson- This guy had a career .261 average in ten seasons with the Cubs, Dodgers, and Indians. He also clubbed 103 homers in that span.

SS- Travis Jackson- Finally an alright player. Hell, a GREAT player. This hall of famer had a career .291 average with 1,768 hits. He only hit 135 homers but come on, he is a short stop. He also played his whole career with the Giants.

LF- Shoeless Joe Jackson- This great player had a unreal career .356 average with 1772 hits and 54 homers in the dead ball era. But even more impressive, 202 steals and .423 on base percentage.

CF- Bo Jackson- This duel sport all star only played eight seasons, but had a .250 average with 141 dingers and nearly 600 hits with three teams.

RF- Reggie Jackson- Another great hall of fame player who would be in the cleanup spot on my lineup. Mr.October had a career .262 average with a whopping 563 homers. He has an MVP award, a couple silver sluggers, and a handful of all star appearances under his belt as well.

That is my starting nine for my baseball team. Next...

NBA

Up next is NBA. Now, you would probably think that since Jackson is mainly an African American name... you racist... that there would be many people who have played under it. You are wrong. In fact,there has never been a freaking center in the NBA by that name. With that said, here is my starting five...

PG- Mark Jackson- A great pass first guard who averaged 8 assists per game. He also averaged 9.6 points per game and about one steal as well. A former all star and also won rookie of the year honors in 88'. He also played for nine NBA franchises.

SG- Bobby Jackson- This tiny man played for four NBA franchises in his career, most notably coming off the bench for those successful Sacramento Kings teams. He averaged 9.7 ppg in his eight year career.

SF- Stephen Jackson- Stephen has had a very productive career thus far averaging 16.3 ppg, 4 rpg, and playing for six NBA franchises. He is currently playing in Charlotte.

PF- Jim Jackson- This dude is the definition of journeyman, playing for 12 NBA teams in his 14 year career. Even though he played for so many teams, he still averaged 14.3 ppg. He is also NOT a power forward, but literally my only option being that he is 6ft 6in.

C- Darnell Jackson- The tallest possible option for center in the realm of players named Jackson. He is currently playing for the Sacramento Kings. He only averages 2.2 ppg and sucks. But, he is 6ft 9in tall.

There is my starting five in the NBA. Not too bad... Just wait till I get to this next category.

NHL

Let's be serious here... have you ever heard of anyone in the NHL named Jackson? Yeah, me neither.

G- Percy Jackson- The guy literally played seven games from the years 1931-1936. He played for the Rangers, Americans, and Bruins.

C- Art Jackson- This guy actually had a pretty good NHL career. Playing for the Maple Leafes, Bruins, and Americans from 1931-1939. He scored 123 goals, had 178 assists and 144 penalty minutes.

RW- Harvey Jackson- Harvey, or Busher as everyone called him, also played for the Maple Leafes, Americans, and Bruins. He played from 1929-1944 scoring 241 goals, 234 assists, and 437 penalty minutes.

LW- Jim Jackson- Jim didn't really have a productive career for the Flames and the Sabres. He ended his four year career scoring 17 goals, 30 assists, and 20 penalty minutes.

D- Don and Harold Jackson- The starting two defensemen had very productive careers. Don played ten seasons for the Stars, Oilers, and Rangers. He scored 16 goals, 52 assists, and had 640 penalty minutes. Harold played for the Red Wings and the Hawks from 1936-1947. He had 17 goals, 34 assists, and 208 penalty minutes.

  

Wow, enthralling stuff. Now finally we have...

NFL

Just to get one thing straight... Instead of listing EVERY SINGLE POSITION, I am just going to do the offense. I know, people are going to yell at me for hating on the defense, but honestly there weren't many players. There also was not one kicker to choose from. So I had to limit it.

QB- Tarvaris Jackson- This seriously was my best pick. But he has had an okay career thus far. On two teams in five years, he has 38 touchdowns and 35 interceptions. Throw in five rushing touchdowns on to that total makes the numbers a bit more managable, but he has an awful QB rating of 77.7.

RB- Earnest Jackson- A mediocre career for the Chargers, Eagles, and Steelers, he played from 1983-1988. He had a total of 4,167 yards and 22 touchdowns. He also made two pro bowls.



WR- Harold Jackson- Having a hugely productive career, he played from 1968-1987 for six teams. His career totals include 579 receptions, 10,372 yards, and 76 touchdowns. An all-pro, a five time pro bowler, and lead the league multiple times in multiple categories, he is arguably the best player on my list.

TE- Keith Jackson- The final player on my list played for three teams from 1988-1996. He had a very productive career with 441 receptions, 5,283 yards, and 49 touchdowns. A six time pro bowler, a three time all pro, and a Super Bowl champion.

Now what have we learned from all of this? A lot of people by the name of Jackson have played in the Philadelphia area, there has never been a man by the name of Jackson to play catcher, and there aren't many good athletes with my last name. Makes me wish all the more I would have stuck to the whole athletics thing in my high school career. Gotta bring this proud name back to prominence. I mean seriously... Tarvaris and Percy Jackson? Anyways... I have always wanted to do this, now I have, and I hope you have enjoyed it.

Google or Yahoo?

For literally years, people have been yelling at me when they use my computer. Why you ask? For quite possibly the dumbest reason of all. My home page is Yahoo, not Google. Yes, that is right. People have formed allegiances over trivial things such as what their home page should be. But over the past couple months, I have been seeing their point, sort of. these said people give me stupid reasons like "it is a better search engine" or "you will get better results with Google." It is a damn search engine people, you are going to get basically the same results anyways. What, do you just enjoy saying the word "Google" more than Yahoo or something?

The reason I like(d) Yahoo so much more is because I got the majority of my current events off of it's home page. Seriously, I don't think I would know who the hell Mitt  Romney was if it wasn't for Yahoo. I also wouldn't know I now have a shot with Katy Perry if it weren't for Yahoo's homepage. So thank you for that.

But besides the fact that I do enjoy getting my news from over payed AP writers, I do not enjoy seeing an article every single day about how my degrees are basically useless. I don't know how many times I have to hear this before it sinks in... Oh wait I already did know that.

Seriously, I swear to god there has been an article on the front four stories that claims either...
1) What degrees are terrible?
2) You suck for going to college, you moron.
3) Is your degree virtually useless?
4) Should you use your degree as a fire starter?

Or how about the article that has been there the past couple of days with the uplifting title of, "college majors that are useless." Even the picture is hilariously uplifting.


The man is looking at a chart in a wheat field. Things like this happen all of the time. But seriously Yahoo, how about you stop rubbing it in everyone's face about what they want to do with their lives and actually do something about it. Why don't you hire some of those horticulture majors mentioned in your article to do something? What's that? You don't know what they could do for you? I don't know, man. Hire them to grow an organic garden or something. I know you all are probably hipster nerds who love to wear scarves indoors. Don't those people think its cool to eat organic too? Hipsters do love sticking it to the man and all.

I remember an article a few weeks back saying that communication degrees are basically extinct. This made me laugh something awful. I guess people don't need to communicate anymore. You know, there are no such things as telephones, or televisions, or radio waves. Those things are extinct. All that exists now are search engines. And terminators apparently. Yahoo actually bought Skynet.

That robot either went to Yale or I am totally right. I think I'll change to Google...

Is it really a surprise?

In a tragic turn of events, Paula Deen announced to the world yesterday that she has type two diabetes. Honestly people, is this actually a surprise? I have not had one day of medical training in my life, but I am pretty sure putting two sticks of butter in literally every recipe is bad for you. I think this woman brushes her teeth with melted margarine for God sake. I mean, whatever floats your boat, man. From what I understand she was even sponsored.

Just to prove my point, let's look at a couple of her recipes. Lets tart it out with a simple one.

1. Paula Deen's home style buttered noodles (sure to be the hit of the party and a diabetes jump starter)

    Ingredients          

               - 3 sticks of butter

               - bag of noodles

    Directions

               - Boil the noodles 

               - Melt the butter sticks

               - Mix those bad boys together

Or how about this classic?

2. Paula Deen's southern style deep fried butter sticks (for those hardcore butter addicts who want to croak)

Ingredients          

               - 6 sticks of butter

               - Cooking oil

               - Flour      

    Directions

               - Bring that oil to a boil

               - Sprinkle that butter with the flour.

               - Add seasoning if you would like. It's ok kids, I wont tell.

               - Drop that butter in the boiling oil

               - Pray to whatever God you worship that the butter doesn't melt

               - If it does melt, however, just spray whatever is left with that spray butter. It's like the same thing.

Obviously I made those up but honestly it's not far from the truth. I looked up a couple of her recipes and just for example, there are seven tablespoons in her deep fried cheesecake. Good lord that is a lot. I didn't even mention the fact that you DEEP FRY IT AFTERWARDS! That is basically like injecting lard into your veins with a syringe.  

But let's be serious here for a second. Diabetes is no laughing matter. Both of my parents have it and I want nothing to do with it. But I am pretty sure if you don't cut out the outrageous "southern style" cooking antics, you might lose a limb, Paula. Just start deep frying celery or something. You might feel better.



Morning

I can say with 100% confidence that there is nothing I hate more in life then waking up before 10am. Not only does it screw my body up for a solid week and a half, I am literally the most irritable bastard to ever walk the face of the earth. I told a co worker this very morning that, and I quote... " I would rather lose a finger than wake up before 10am again." And I am quite serious about that.

I have ten fingers, two or four of which are absolutely useless. So I would be willing to give up my pinkie finger if I no longer had to wake up in the morning. No doubt. Now that I think about it, I would do a lot of different things for that opportunity.

I honestly cant think of a worse feeling in the world then getting woken up by a loud ass alarm clock at the crack of dawn. No matter how you felt the night before, you wake up with a nose that is full of snot, you feel greasy no matter how many times you wash your face, and you just never feel right the entire day. Personally, I don't even like to talk until 11am. Ask anyone I know who has seen me in the morning. I speak with a series of grunts. I sound like cro magnon man. And this is seriously how I walk, sound, and feel...

Not only do I feel awful, everything is amplified by ten. If you stub your toe it feels that much worse. If you shave and nick your cheek, it feels that much worse. And is it me, or is the feeling of warm water on your face as you are taking an early morning shower just the freaking worst. It honestly feels terrible. Speaking of terrible, breakfast doesn't even taste good that early in the morning. Let me tell you... Something as good as freaking bacon or Captain Crunch should taste like edible gold when you are that hungry. But it just doesn't. I can actually hear my stomach yelling at me when I eat in the morning.

I guess in the end all I am saying is that if I want to be a happy person, I need to be able to stay up till 4 am to be happy. It is when I get all of my work done. And by work, I mean playing video games. Mornings, mornings, double borings, I HATE MORNINGS! 

Co-host

Not that I watch it or anything... really I don't... But I think I found my new job. I overheard someone talking about how ever since Regis retired from the Regis and Kelly show, they have been having a different co host on the show nearly everyday. Now, I don't know if they are searching for a new host or anything, but stop what you are doing Michael Gelman (the producer if you were wondering who that was), I have found your permanent solution.

That's right. Me... maybe not with the fu manchu though... Not only would this fill my void of needing a full time gig, but it also fills your void of needing a full time co host. It's a win win people. And damn do I look good in suits... Just sayin.

Seriously, why don't they hold a national competition to see who the new host is? Not only do I think that would bring in more ratings than having people like Taye Diggs co host, but I think it would be awesome to have a new personality on television. Who the hell is Taye Diggs anyways? Just some random black dude that was in a couple movies. He may have a six pack, but I have the charm... ya dig? It would be television gold people, like the American Idol of morning talk shows. Sure, some people would be absolutely terrible but I think some people would be pretty damn good at it. Personally, I may not have the face for television, but I have the personality. I know current events, I know pop culture, I have a quick wit, and I can read. What the hell else do you need to be on television?

I want all my fans to write in to the show so that they consider having a national competition. That is where I will take over and be the new co host of ... Live with Kelly and Greg... or Jackson. I haven't decided which sounds better yet.

Beans

Do I need to say anything else?

Greatest children's song ever.

Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne's whole facial area grosses me the hell out. Have you ever seen it? And people actually find this man attractive. I mean, I am no freaking James Dean or anything, but Jesus...

It literally looks like his teeth are protruding from his skull. It is the oddest shit I have ever seen. Also, facial tattoos are the fucking worst. Well... let me take that back. Tattoos in odd places are the worst. Like women who get tattoos on their chest. In the wise words of Liz Lemon, that's a deal breaker.But facial tattoos are even worse. Let's look at list of people who have facial tats shall we? Here is a link. 

http://clutch.mtv.com/2010/07/20/11-celebrities-and-their-frightening-face-tattoos/2/

Oh yes. I get it now. You have to be absolutely out of your mind to get one of those. Literally every one of those people have done many insane things in their lives... But lets move on to more reasons why Lil Wayne is weird looking. No... you know what, it is literally only the teeth and the tattoos. Nothing else. I mean the hair is kind of gross as well, but I can deal with that. The tattoos and horse teeth cant be ignored. 

Hey Lil Wayne. A 10th grader called and wants his hat back for the prom. He thinks he looks cool in it. Nice fedora ass clown. I would say his music is his saving grace, but it isn't good either. So now he has a weird face and a bad career choice. Anyone who has a problem with what I have said about his music, sit back and really think to yourself... why do I think this music is good? Then tell me why. And I will be glad to shoot you down. It's what I do best. God his teeth are weird as hell. I'm sorry. I got distracted. It's like the first time I watched Human Centipede. I'm grossed out but I cant look away.

I cant decide if he looks like a horse or a gremlin more. Help me decide people. It's a toss up for me.

Hodgepodge

Today I really don't have anything to write about other than a bunch of things that have crossed my mind in the past five hours. Now I know what you are thinking... "Greg was actually up before 11am?" The answer is yes people. Sometimes I do wake up early enough that my body actually WANTS bacon and eggs. But anyways... enjoy these nuggets of joy!

I swear God just does things to me to have a good laugh... especially when I am driving. Here are a couple things that happen to me literally daily that make me soooooo mad when I m driving.

1. Every time I go around a sharp bend, there will ALWAYS be someone coming on the other side. 

2. Every time I am in a hurry, it is a scientific fact I will hit every single red light possible.

3. Every time I am NOT in a hurry I hit every single green light.

4. Every time it snows I will always get stuck behind a blockade of cars in both lanes.

5. The driver in front of me will not use his turn signal 85% of the time, every time.

ALSO



Having absolutely nothing to do with any of what I just said, I have developed quite the pet peeve. You see, I listen to a lot of sports talk radio during my day. When I hear a caller talking about absolute nonsense I cringe as I have to be dealt with the shame that people in my area actually talk like that. Witness exhibit A...

Embarrassing. Not only that, why do all Pittsburgh people refer to the Pittsburgh teams as "we" when they are talking about them. They will say something like this... "Yeah, yinz guys think dat bum Isaac Redman should play dis week? "We" don't need any dem stinkin' turnowvers n'at." This is what I would say to him if I were on the radio. You know, if my degree actually mattered and I had a job in what I was trained for... "Thanks for the call sir, but I didn't realize you played for the Steelers. What position do you play? What number do you wear? Usually the word "we" is used for things that you are involved in. Say, for example, if I asked you where you and your buddies were right now. You would most likely respond... My buddies and I? WE are at the bar drowning our sorrows in our awful vocabulary." Oh Pittsburgh... How I love you yet how I loathe you. Actually, I can't lie. I think I used to do the same thing. If you know me, you know I love the Chicago Bulls. When the team was terrible back in the early 2000's, I used to wonder why every single year they would draft another guard. I would say, while watching the draft, "why the hell did "we" just pick Ben Gordon?" Well, just to back up why I did that, here is the 2005 Chicago Bulls roster.

At forward, number 5... GREG JACKSON! See I had an excuse.

The Mysteries of Life #2

Continuing on my mysteries of life series is a subject that has boggled my mind ever since I tried a long long time ago. A while back when I was hanging out with a former friend of mine, I tried doing this, and nearly broke my body. It is something that apparently take skill and grace, neither of which I have. It is something that literally defies gravity, in my opinion. This mystery of life is...

That is right people, skateboarding. Have you every actually watched someone skateboard? Its mesmerizing. I don't understand how the hell the board stays on their feet when they jump in the air, or ollie if you want to be technical about it. Its seriously some sort of black arts or something because there is no possible way anyone should be able to even stand on one of those things. Trust me, I have tried many times and almost broke my ankles many times. Just look at this video for God sake. around the 1:00 mark my jaw actually drops.

OUTRAGEOUS. I give all the credit in the world to anyone who can skateboard well. Honestly, it makes my brain hurt watching them do it. But, as you can see from the picture I made above, the skateboarding community has given us many things besides jaw dropping tricks and hours of X-games footage.

I personally would like to thank skaters for giving me skateboarding shoes. They are comfortable and wide enough for my gigantic feet to wear unlike other shoe companies like Adidas. Seriously Adidas, what are you thinking adding that rubber toe to every one of your shoes. It's so constricting. Also, where would we be without Tony Hawk games? I can honestly say that days of my life have been spent trying to collect the letters S-K-A-T-E. And seriously, where would I be without the terminology that these men and women have used throughout their existence? I think I say dude and and awesome 15 times a day.

But in all honesty, I really do not understand how you people do it and give you all the credit in the world. Keep on keeping on dudes. You will always be a mystery to me.



Epic Pact

About, oh, 18-20 weeks ago I made one of the worst decisions of my life. Of course it didn't really effect me then or even the 18-20 weeks leading up to this point, but it inevitably did. You see, for a lot of my life I have done something to stand out from the pack. A lot of times it was subconsciously, sometimes not. In high school, for example, I wore a white t-shirt literally everyday for the most part of my junior and senior year. For a short period of time the only shoes I would wear were an orange pair of Chuck Taylor's. And for almost the past decade, people knew me for my facial hair.

Lets get one thing straight. If there was one family of men who were known for growing facial hair, it is the Jackson's. Now in no way shape or form am I comparing any sort of facial hair to my brothers because he has a mammoth beard. All I am saying is that Jackson men can grow facial hair with the best of them. Just take a look.

Here is Joel, Tilly, and I dancing to Old McDonald on that tiny green boom box on my shoulder. Yes, we were acting like gangsters and yes I am holding it on my shoulder like a ghetto blaster. You are also catching me at a time where I had just trimmed the beard so don't make a big assumption besides the fact that we both, in fact, have beards. Now where am I going with this... All I am saying is that having something on your body for almost a decade makes it basically part of you. It becomes part of your look. People know you by it. So when there comes a time where you have to get rid of part of your look it could be pretty traumatizing.

My best friend Justin and I were sitting there one fateful evening before the NFL preseason started and looked at the Pittsburgh Steelers upcoming schedule. At that point, the toughest games on the schedule were against the Patriots and the Ravens. We thought to ourselves, 12 wins easily. 12 wins is enough for you to win the division any year. So I said, innocently may I add, "I will shave my entire body if the Steelers don't win the division. Do you see this schedule?" Without my knowledge, Justin made a Facebook group that would put both him, myself, and our hair in the hands of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Well, we were right on that win total part, but what we didn't take into account was that Ray "small as a grain of" Rice, Joe Faggo, and the Baltimore Raven would own the Steelers this season.  With this and a couple other bad losses on the so called "easy" schedule, the Steelers did not win the division.

The result of this season caused me not only mental anguish, but physical as well. It has been a long time since my stomach was that upset over the fact that I had to get rid of such a big part of me. Driving home I must have said "son of a bitch" at least ten times in pure anger. I mean, I was losing something that I had for ten freaking years people. But I am a man of my word and it had to be done. This is what I looked like when I started the whole project.

Look at me... disgusted, defeated, and oddly enough in a white tee. This is what I looked like after...

Look at me... disgusted, defeated, and without a shirt on. Why? Because I had to shave ALL of my body hair off. Yes ladies and gents, ALL OF IT. I give you props ladies. I never knew how painful it was to shave your legs until I had to do it. I cut a chunk out of my left leg and the shower looked like that scene from Psycho. Shit seriously wouldn't stop bleeding. Also, and probably the worst thing about the whole situation, was that I had to shave my feet. I swear I could have been cast as a Hobbit because my feet are so freaking hairy. Also, who the hell knew a little body hair kept you so warm? I have never been so cold in my life. It literally felt like my thighs were covered in a layer of ice. But anyways... All in all, I stuck through it and did it like a man. I kept my word. If I have learned one thing through this life lesson it would be this... I need to stop making bets with people. I never eeeeeever win them. Epic Pact? Pish posh... How about epic fail.