The Mysteries of Life #3

RoboCop Remake? Really?

While I have been pretty outspoken about remakes in the past, it has been nothing but basically impartial. You really think I care they did a remake of Footloose? Not really. The original sucks so hard that I know it to be scientifically proven that the new one sucks twice as much. So seriously, I don't give a damn. But when Hollywood goes and screws up something I love, such as my #6 movie of all time, it's personal daddy-o. Just watch this trailer. It's freaking epic.

Seriously, RoboCop is a perfect movie. It has awesome action, spectacular special effects for it's time, an unbelievably good storyline, and a wonderful cast. How in God's name could they do anything with it? Yeah, they could put some big name doofus actor in the role of Officer Murphy/Robocop, but what the hell would that do? After seeing some of the considerations for the title role, I know what it would do... Simply put more asses in the seats to see it. I mean, Chris Pine? Really? Revamped Captain Kirk couldn't pull that role off. He is the complete opposite of officer Murphy's stoic and serious demeanor. But you know what he is? A heart throb that will actually make women want to go see the film. Or how about the latest actor rumored for the role, Russell Crowe. Now it makes even more sense. Women take their panties off to go see movies with this guy in them. It's completely obvious. Can you picture how outlandish they will look? 

or...

This just means they will cast some blond bombshell for the role of Officer Lewis too, which makes literally no sense what so ever. They live in modern day Detroit for God sake. There are no good looking people there. Trust me, I have been there.

Now before I could have gotten any more pissed off about the idea of remaking a classic action film such as RoboCop, I wanted to look into a bit more. Who exactly was directing this debacle? If it was someone awesome then maybe it would save the fact that they had a terrible idea in the first place. What if it was someone cool like Tim Burton would maybe be a good fit... think Batman Returns. Maybe Guillermo del Toro would even be a good fit. But actually, the first person who popped into my head was Frank Miller, who directed such films as 300 and Sin City. I quickly remembered that he popped into my head for a great reason. Miller directed RoboCop 2 and 3 and did a pretty damn good job at it if I do say so myself. So who is the director of this supposed remake? It just so happens to be some man named Jose' Padhilha who has directed such "box office smashes" as Elite Squad and Elite Squad 2: The Enemy Within. Oi vey... Could this be any worse?

Yes... it can... The only way this could be any worse is if this movie is actually made. These are all just mere rumors and the film is "in development" so it could fall off the table at anytime. But just like my worst nightmares came true when they remade Nightmare on Elm Street, I know they will make this as well. Kill me now people, kill me now. Did anyone see that version of nightmare? Literally one of the worst films I have ever seen. Like a good consumer though I will obviously go and see it. How can I keep away from something that has the word RoboCop in it? Its virtually impossible. I will tell you one thing that WOULD keep me away from it though.

I seriously wouldn't put it past these idiots. If that turd Nicolas Cage was RoboCop I would literally protest at the film studio. I wouldn't pay to see that movie. In fact, I wouldn't buy that for a dollar.