Morning

I can say with 100% confidence that there is nothing I hate more in life then waking up before 10am. Not only does it screw my body up for a solid week and a half, I am literally the most irritable bastard to ever walk the face of the earth. I told a co worker this very morning that, and I quote... " I would rather lose a finger than wake up before 10am again." And I am quite serious about that.

I have ten fingers, two or four of which are absolutely useless. So I would be willing to give up my pinkie finger if I no longer had to wake up in the morning. No doubt. Now that I think about it, I would do a lot of different things for that opportunity.

I honestly cant think of a worse feeling in the world then getting woken up by a loud ass alarm clock at the crack of dawn. No matter how you felt the night before, you wake up with a nose that is full of snot, you feel greasy no matter how many times you wash your face, and you just never feel right the entire day. Personally, I don't even like to talk until 11am. Ask anyone I know who has seen me in the morning. I speak with a series of grunts. I sound like cro magnon man. And this is seriously how I walk, sound, and feel...

Not only do I feel awful, everything is amplified by ten. If you stub your toe it feels that much worse. If you shave and nick your cheek, it feels that much worse. And is it me, or is the feeling of warm water on your face as you are taking an early morning shower just the freaking worst. It honestly feels terrible. Speaking of terrible, breakfast doesn't even taste good that early in the morning. Let me tell you... Something as good as freaking bacon or Captain Crunch should taste like edible gold when you are that hungry. But it just doesn't. I can actually hear my stomach yelling at me when I eat in the morning.

I guess in the end all I am saying is that if I want to be a happy person, I need to be able to stay up till 4 am to be happy. It is when I get all of my work done. And by work, I mean playing video games. Mornings, mornings, double borings, I HATE MORNINGS! 

Co-host

Not that I watch it or anything... really I don't... But I think I found my new job. I overheard someone talking about how ever since Regis retired from the Regis and Kelly show, they have been having a different co host on the show nearly everyday. Now, I don't know if they are searching for a new host or anything, but stop what you are doing Michael Gelman (the producer if you were wondering who that was), I have found your permanent solution.

That's right. Me... maybe not with the fu manchu though... Not only would this fill my void of needing a full time gig, but it also fills your void of needing a full time co host. It's a win win people. And damn do I look good in suits... Just sayin.

Seriously, why don't they hold a national competition to see who the new host is? Not only do I think that would bring in more ratings than having people like Taye Diggs co host, but I think it would be awesome to have a new personality on television. Who the hell is Taye Diggs anyways? Just some random black dude that was in a couple movies. He may have a six pack, but I have the charm... ya dig? It would be television gold people, like the American Idol of morning talk shows. Sure, some people would be absolutely terrible but I think some people would be pretty damn good at it. Personally, I may not have the face for television, but I have the personality. I know current events, I know pop culture, I have a quick wit, and I can read. What the hell else do you need to be on television?

I want all my fans to write in to the show so that they consider having a national competition. That is where I will take over and be the new co host of ... Live with Kelly and Greg... or Jackson. I haven't decided which sounds better yet.

Beans

Do I need to say anything else?

Greatest children's song ever.

Lil Wayne

Lil Wayne's whole facial area grosses me the hell out. Have you ever seen it? And people actually find this man attractive. I mean, I am no freaking James Dean or anything, but Jesus...

It literally looks like his teeth are protruding from his skull. It is the oddest shit I have ever seen. Also, facial tattoos are the fucking worst. Well... let me take that back. Tattoos in odd places are the worst. Like women who get tattoos on their chest. In the wise words of Liz Lemon, that's a deal breaker.But facial tattoos are even worse. Let's look at list of people who have facial tats shall we? Here is a link. 

http://clutch.mtv.com/2010/07/20/11-celebrities-and-their-frightening-face-tattoos/2/

Oh yes. I get it now. You have to be absolutely out of your mind to get one of those. Literally every one of those people have done many insane things in their lives... But lets move on to more reasons why Lil Wayne is weird looking. No... you know what, it is literally only the teeth and the tattoos. Nothing else. I mean the hair is kind of gross as well, but I can deal with that. The tattoos and horse teeth cant be ignored. 

Hey Lil Wayne. A 10th grader called and wants his hat back for the prom. He thinks he looks cool in it. Nice fedora ass clown. I would say his music is his saving grace, but it isn't good either. So now he has a weird face and a bad career choice. Anyone who has a problem with what I have said about his music, sit back and really think to yourself... why do I think this music is good? Then tell me why. And I will be glad to shoot you down. It's what I do best. God his teeth are weird as hell. I'm sorry. I got distracted. It's like the first time I watched Human Centipede. I'm grossed out but I cant look away.

I cant decide if he looks like a horse or a gremlin more. Help me decide people. It's a toss up for me.

Hodgepodge

Today I really don't have anything to write about other than a bunch of things that have crossed my mind in the past five hours. Now I know what you are thinking... "Greg was actually up before 11am?" The answer is yes people. Sometimes I do wake up early enough that my body actually WANTS bacon and eggs. But anyways... enjoy these nuggets of joy!

I swear God just does things to me to have a good laugh... especially when I am driving. Here are a couple things that happen to me literally daily that make me soooooo mad when I m driving.

1. Every time I go around a sharp bend, there will ALWAYS be someone coming on the other side. 

2. Every time I am in a hurry, it is a scientific fact I will hit every single red light possible.

3. Every time I am NOT in a hurry I hit every single green light.

4. Every time it snows I will always get stuck behind a blockade of cars in both lanes.

5. The driver in front of me will not use his turn signal 85% of the time, every time.

ALSO



Having absolutely nothing to do with any of what I just said, I have developed quite the pet peeve. You see, I listen to a lot of sports talk radio during my day. When I hear a caller talking about absolute nonsense I cringe as I have to be dealt with the shame that people in my area actually talk like that. Witness exhibit A...

Embarrassing. Not only that, why do all Pittsburgh people refer to the Pittsburgh teams as "we" when they are talking about them. They will say something like this... "Yeah, yinz guys think dat bum Isaac Redman should play dis week? "We" don't need any dem stinkin' turnowvers n'at." This is what I would say to him if I were on the radio. You know, if my degree actually mattered and I had a job in what I was trained for... "Thanks for the call sir, but I didn't realize you played for the Steelers. What position do you play? What number do you wear? Usually the word "we" is used for things that you are involved in. Say, for example, if I asked you where you and your buddies were right now. You would most likely respond... My buddies and I? WE are at the bar drowning our sorrows in our awful vocabulary." Oh Pittsburgh... How I love you yet how I loathe you. Actually, I can't lie. I think I used to do the same thing. If you know me, you know I love the Chicago Bulls. When the team was terrible back in the early 2000's, I used to wonder why every single year they would draft another guard. I would say, while watching the draft, "why the hell did "we" just pick Ben Gordon?" Well, just to back up why I did that, here is the 2005 Chicago Bulls roster.

At forward, number 5... GREG JACKSON! See I had an excuse.

The Mysteries of Life #2

Continuing on my mysteries of life series is a subject that has boggled my mind ever since I tried a long long time ago. A while back when I was hanging out with a former friend of mine, I tried doing this, and nearly broke my body. It is something that apparently take skill and grace, neither of which I have. It is something that literally defies gravity, in my opinion. This mystery of life is...

That is right people, skateboarding. Have you every actually watched someone skateboard? Its mesmerizing. I don't understand how the hell the board stays on their feet when they jump in the air, or ollie if you want to be technical about it. Its seriously some sort of black arts or something because there is no possible way anyone should be able to even stand on one of those things. Trust me, I have tried many times and almost broke my ankles many times. Just look at this video for God sake. around the 1:00 mark my jaw actually drops.

OUTRAGEOUS. I give all the credit in the world to anyone who can skateboard well. Honestly, it makes my brain hurt watching them do it. But, as you can see from the picture I made above, the skateboarding community has given us many things besides jaw dropping tricks and hours of X-games footage.

I personally would like to thank skaters for giving me skateboarding shoes. They are comfortable and wide enough for my gigantic feet to wear unlike other shoe companies like Adidas. Seriously Adidas, what are you thinking adding that rubber toe to every one of your shoes. It's so constricting. Also, where would we be without Tony Hawk games? I can honestly say that days of my life have been spent trying to collect the letters S-K-A-T-E. And seriously, where would I be without the terminology that these men and women have used throughout their existence? I think I say dude and and awesome 15 times a day.

But in all honesty, I really do not understand how you people do it and give you all the credit in the world. Keep on keeping on dudes. You will always be a mystery to me.



Epic Pact

About, oh, 18-20 weeks ago I made one of the worst decisions of my life. Of course it didn't really effect me then or even the 18-20 weeks leading up to this point, but it inevitably did. You see, for a lot of my life I have done something to stand out from the pack. A lot of times it was subconsciously, sometimes not. In high school, for example, I wore a white t-shirt literally everyday for the most part of my junior and senior year. For a short period of time the only shoes I would wear were an orange pair of Chuck Taylor's. And for almost the past decade, people knew me for my facial hair.

Lets get one thing straight. If there was one family of men who were known for growing facial hair, it is the Jackson's. Now in no way shape or form am I comparing any sort of facial hair to my brothers because he has a mammoth beard. All I am saying is that Jackson men can grow facial hair with the best of them. Just take a look.

Here is Joel, Tilly, and I dancing to Old McDonald on that tiny green boom box on my shoulder. Yes, we were acting like gangsters and yes I am holding it on my shoulder like a ghetto blaster. You are also catching me at a time where I had just trimmed the beard so don't make a big assumption besides the fact that we both, in fact, have beards. Now where am I going with this... All I am saying is that having something on your body for almost a decade makes it basically part of you. It becomes part of your look. People know you by it. So when there comes a time where you have to get rid of part of your look it could be pretty traumatizing.

My best friend Justin and I were sitting there one fateful evening before the NFL preseason started and looked at the Pittsburgh Steelers upcoming schedule. At that point, the toughest games on the schedule were against the Patriots and the Ravens. We thought to ourselves, 12 wins easily. 12 wins is enough for you to win the division any year. So I said, innocently may I add, "I will shave my entire body if the Steelers don't win the division. Do you see this schedule?" Without my knowledge, Justin made a Facebook group that would put both him, myself, and our hair in the hands of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Well, we were right on that win total part, but what we didn't take into account was that Ray "small as a grain of" Rice, Joe Faggo, and the Baltimore Raven would own the Steelers this season.  With this and a couple other bad losses on the so called "easy" schedule, the Steelers did not win the division.

The result of this season caused me not only mental anguish, but physical as well. It has been a long time since my stomach was that upset over the fact that I had to get rid of such a big part of me. Driving home I must have said "son of a bitch" at least ten times in pure anger. I mean, I was losing something that I had for ten freaking years people. But I am a man of my word and it had to be done. This is what I looked like when I started the whole project.

Look at me... disgusted, defeated, and oddly enough in a white tee. This is what I looked like after...

Look at me... disgusted, defeated, and without a shirt on. Why? Because I had to shave ALL of my body hair off. Yes ladies and gents, ALL OF IT. I give you props ladies. I never knew how painful it was to shave your legs until I had to do it. I cut a chunk out of my left leg and the shower looked like that scene from Psycho. Shit seriously wouldn't stop bleeding. Also, and probably the worst thing about the whole situation, was that I had to shave my feet. I swear I could have been cast as a Hobbit because my feet are so freaking hairy. Also, who the hell knew a little body hair kept you so warm? I have never been so cold in my life. It literally felt like my thighs were covered in a layer of ice. But anyways... All in all, I stuck through it and did it like a man. I kept my word. If I have learned one thing through this life lesson it would be this... I need to stop making bets with people. I never eeeeeever win them. Epic Pact? Pish posh... How about epic fail.