There are a plethora of reasons why I hate some people. If you have always wondered if you could ever talk to, hang out, or be friends with the cool guy writing this blog, you must ask yourselves these tough questions….
1) Am I an idiot?
If you are a complete and utter imbecile, then I want nothing to do with you. For example, if you have to use a calculator to take 10% off of something, if you go out and drink heavily two or more times a week and complain about gaining weight, or if you think wrestling is “fake”, then you are a grade a, prime real estate idiot.
2) Do I drive the speed limit?
If you drive under or at the speed limit, forget about it. I am ALWAYS in a hurry.
3) Am I a fan of really bad actors/ actresses like Rachel Mcadams and Nick Cage?
If you are then you are probably in a world of trouble when trying to talk about one of my favorite past times on this earth…Film.
4) Do I listen to really bad music such as the black keys or kasabian?
Those bands are so bad I purposely didn’t capitalize them. Fuck em. I got in a debate with my friend Brad about one of those bands just last night. If you were to meet a caveman and you had to explain rock and roll to them in its simplest form, you would choose to play the black keys. It is literally the most generic rock music that has ever been made and it sucks. That isn't even opinion. Have you actually listened to it? Every song sounds like every rock song ever. I have honestly mixed them up for The White Stripes on multiple occasions.
5) Do I own a blue Penguin jersey?
Now this one is tricky. I have multiple friends who I bash for wearing one Trust me. One of the coolest things about our city is the fact that we are the only city where ALL of our sport franchises are the same color. Therefor… I don’t want to see baby blue on my hockey team. Sorry.
6) Do I laugh at rude comments?
Sorry bro, if you don’t laugh at rude comments made at other people as well as at you, you better forget about it. We will not get along and I hate you. Humor is the spice of life. Get over yourself.
7) Do I make good first impressions?
I will be the first to admit it, I make judgments on people on first impressions. That first impressions could even be you walking into a room goofily. I USUALLY have a good sense on this too. I can count on one hand the times I have been wrong. Usually if you barge into a room and are loud, obnoxious, and annoying, that is how you will be most of the time. That’s my shtick. Not yours.
8) Do I think Lil’ Wayne is attractive?
This goes for you ladies out there. If you want to be my friend, you better not think this man is attractive. He literally looks like a full grown rat, his voice sounds like a squeeze box/goose, and he always looks dirty. Literally not one thing about those things screams sex. Quit using your green shades.
9) Am I “addicted” to something?
No such thing people. It is all a mind game. Anyone can quit anything… ever.
10) Am I a meat head?
Feels like I have talked about some of these things before but… I don’t like people who are full of themselves. Especially ones who work out. I don’t like people who scream and grunt in the gym. It is unnecessary and, in my mind, juvenile. Also, if you are going to wear that toothpick of a shirt you might as well not even wear one. I know I wouldn’t want to see that but for Christ sake what’s the point? Sleeveless? More like ¾ clothless. Either you went crazy with the sheers on those sleeves or you meant to do that. Either way I hate you. Continue listening to Linkin Park and Eminem on those GIGANTIC earphone of yours because, to be honest, I want to have absolutely nothing in common with you.
11) Do I smell funny?
This has absolutely nothing to do with a judge of character. Really it doesn’t. But if you do not have enough pride to take a bath, wash your clothes, or wear deodorant, then I have no respect for you.
12) Do I just bite string cheese or do I actually string it?
If you bite into string cheese, you should be slapped in the mouth.
13) Do I chew with my mouth open?
Grotesque.
14) Do I use a blu tooth?
You might as well be wearing a fanny pack, zooba pants, and a tucked in polo shirt because only men over the age of 40 think they are cool. They look so cheesy it hurts. Honestly, it feels as though it is something that should have come out in the 1980s. Its outlandish.
15) Am I a front runner?
There are people in this world who only like winners. Those people are dicks. I went to college with someone who literally would change his favorite team monthly based on how well they were doing. I am not even joking. The LA Lakers would be doing well and you would see him walk down the hall wearing a Lakers hat. The next month they would be losing a few games and the Spurs would be winging, he would walk out in a Spurs hat. When confronting him about why he did not cheer for the Lakers any longer, this would be his response… every single time for every single team for every single sport… “ oh, they are butt, man.” Gag me.
16) Do I use the “Exit” doors to enter a building?
One of my biggest pet peeves. Not even close. I literally say things to people who do it.
17) Do I play a guitar at parties?
Need I say more? After teenage girls move past the age of 14, not one person thinks this is acceptable.
18) Do I have a sticker of a child peeing on something in the back window of my car or truck?
Nothing screams hateable like these redneck pieces of trash. It is usually some fucking kid pissing on a Ford logo or something idiotic like that. You also see a Baltimore Ravens logo around here as well. Fucking stupid. It is almost as bad as an Outer banks sticker or a baby on board sign. It makes me want to aim for your car if I am in an accident.
19) Do I think beards are dirty?
This is a widely thought of fact… oh wait it isn’t a fucking fact. I have talked about this before too. I would honestly contend that my beard is cleaner then my hair. And so would most people who have one.
20) Am I a member of society?
Not even joking, I would say 85-90% of people have some sort of hateable quality about them that I could pick out. I might even be low on that. But it is about learning how to deal with those things and finding the good things about them, i.e the blue Penguins jersey.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate EVERYONE. I just hate MOST people. If you read my blog, though, I love you. So… From this manacing Easter Bunny and myself... Happy Easter everyone!
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