TLC

I am going to say what everyone else is thinking... TLC needs to change the name of their station. No, check that that, they HAVE to. There is not one minute of programming on that station that is teaching me or anyone anything. No, actually, check that one too. I have learned a lot of things from watching current programming on "The Learning Channel". I have learned…

1) That Duggar woman is apparently a sex addict that is covering up by being a Mormon or something.

     1a) These sink holes popping up everywhere on earth is not, in fact, aliens coming to our surface like I would like to think. But it is, in fact, this woman’s vagina. 

2) The Gypsy existence is one of glamorous lifestyles and very creepy people, marriages, and  situations.

     2a) If you literally watch just one episode of this show, your brain will hurt. It is also one entire hour you will never get back on this earth. Do something more productive, like watching cars go down the street. 

 

3) People are obsessed with weddings so much that they are willing to put their lives out there for the public to see… in all of their dickishness. 

4) There is a trailer park that apparently looks like a theme park and is filled with stereotypical hillbillies that was, obviously and insultingly, not staged to make a “reality” show. 

 

5) There is a man who makes extravagant cakes but is so dumb he can’t pronounce ingredients and tools of his trade correctly.

 

6) There are people who use a massive amount of coupons on useless shit. They live off of a room stock full of laundry detergent, toothbrushes, Gatorade, and ramen noodles.

     6a) But this is alright because they save a ton of money on items they don’t need.

     6b) You can become extremely overweight by eating only ramen noodles and Gatorade. 

 

7) There is a family of tiny people, who have a couple of normal sized kids (strange), who apparently have endless amounts of money to do whatever the hell they want.

7a) Is there some sort of government bill that gives people under 4 feet tall money for their unfortunate stature? I tend to think so. 

 

8) There is a sassy woman from New Jersey who can talk to dead people… forever cementing peoples love for residents of that state for some reason. 

 

9) Grotesque mothers who need to live their lost childhoods through their children like to dress up their daughters like ladies of the night while spraying them in black face. 

 

10) People like to have sex in strange ways… which is not something I really want to see or hear about. Normal sex is fine with me. 

 

11) People are addicted to drugs and are complete fucking losers.

 

12) People are addicted to really weird shit too, which is absolutely hilarious. I mean, a woman was literally eating the dry wall on her house. A man was IN LOVE WITH HIS CAR!  

 

13) People like to take things and just throw them in the corner of the room. It could be anything. A countless number of two liter pop bottles for example. Or how about just junk from yard sales because they are saving them for a future “project”. All I know is I can’t watch this show. It makes me sick to my stomach.

13a) This has further bolstered my self diagnosed ocd tendencies.

 

14) There is a woman who looks like Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles who has a child who competes in some sort of contest.  

     14a) These people are speaking some sort of language that, apparently, my ears can’t process. I literally can’t understand a word they say.

     14b) There is absolutely no reason anyone should know who these people are.

15) Reality shows are the complete opposite. Game shows are more reality then this crap.

God I hate this channel.