Morning

I complain about a lot of things, this much is true. But to be quite honest, there are not many things that actually make me angry. Now I mean angry angry… like steaming red hot angry. Not the little piss pants you took the last of the nachos angry. I mean yeah, I bitch and moan, but rarely am I ever angry. Trust me, if I am, you will know it. But I will tell you what, nothing makes me angrier in this entire God forsaken world then waking up in the morning. 

This is not a recent thing either. I remember, vividly, when I was a child I used to throw punches at my mother when she tried to wake me for school. And I am not even exaggerating. I mean literal punches. She used to sing these songs in the morning that used to get under my skin so much that I risked physical harm on my own flesh and blood. That’s pretty screwed up now looking back on it.  She used to sing this song with lyrics that go…

“Good morning, good morning!
You slept the whole night through.
Good morning, good morning, to you!”

 She used to always sing this song about GI Joe that I don’t quite remember as well. But I mean every single day. I love my mother more than anything on this earth, don’t get me wrong. But I don’t care if you are the most beautiful woman on the earth… if you get in my face when I am just waking up it is going to be ugly. Speaking of, there is this woman at work in the mornings who INSISTS on getting in my face every day to tell me good morning. At this point I actually grunt at her like a caveman. That is how much I care. But this woman is nuts. It isn’t even just that. You walk past her in the hallway and it is like she HAS to make some sort of goofy noise at you. Yesterday I got quaked at like a duck… not even joking. I used to make some sort of goofy laugh trying to look like I was interested, but one can only get mooed at so many times. I simply ignore her now. She probably thinks I am a giant asshole… Oh wait I am. But I digress. 

It isn’t even just the whole getting up thing. Once you get up what are you supposed to do? Nothing is on in the morning besides Sports Center and Boy Meets World. I mean who the hell wants to watch Good Morning America… those cheerful fucks annoy the piss out of me. You know why they are that cheerful? I guarantee they have been up for, like, five freaking hours trying to brace themselves for whatever they have to do for that damn show. I guarantee they are like zombies when they wake up too. Not one person on this earth likes waking up in the morning.

 There is one single saving grace about mornings… breakfast. I can’t name one breakfast food that isn’t delicious. Not one signal item. Even the grossest of all, scrapple, is even delectable. If I were on death row and I was asked what meal I wanted as my last meal, if they could not get me a Mineos pizza from Squirrel Hill, I would ask for an assortment of delicious breakfast meats. Not even kidding. Sausage is delicious. Bacon is memorable. Ham is savory. Literally… you name anything in breakfast and my mouth waters. Pancakes? Turn on the waterworks. Eggs? Don’t even get me started. Bagels? Forget it.

But anyways... I hate mornings. I thought I would mention that.