Blu Wars

September 16, 2011 will be a day that will be remembered for eternity. It is going to be written about in history books as a game changer, a spectacular achievement, a marvel in American history. Fan boys, including myself, all around the world will rise from their gamer chairs and head to the closest electronics venue where they can pick up what many consider the holy grail... Star War:The Complete Saga, on Blu-ray.
Not only is this going to put me back about $90, which right now is basically a kick in the balls, it really doesn't matter. Because George Lucas has been sitting at home on his small mountain of cash wondering why has absolutely no neck, it has taken him years to release these films in high definition. 

Seriously though, what the hell took so long? You think you are going to profit anymore than you would have if you brought them out two years ago? And even so, who gives a shit? People have been begging for these for a long long time. I mean, God forbid George Lucas ever does anything that his fans want him to do. This is the guy who thinks Greedo shot first... pish posh dude. This must be amateur hour. But there is some good news out of this whole thing. They went back and fixed little shit that has bothered people for ages about the movie. Things like this...

I have watched Empire like 50 times in my life and I have never even realized the Wampa was wearing a pink undershirt. If you actually saw this then you must be the man, because I had no idea. But who actually cares? "Well, one does want a hint of color" Nathan Lane once said. And so did that Wampa apparently.

I mean, is'nt that just one of those things that makes movies so awesome though? In my opinion, yes it is. I hate when they do shit like this. God forbid Yoda looks like he is'nt computer animated when the movie was made back in the 1980. Just be content with the fact that it's an awesome move, not that it's consistant with the shitty prequals that were pounded out in the early part of this century. If they really wanted to change something they should dub over some ot shitty whiny acting that goes on in some of the movies. And not just Waaanikn Skywalker either. Even his daddy Luke whines in those movies. Must just be a Skywalker thing. But Anakin was by far the worst. The would be betetr off just taking the stupid kid ouf of Episode one and it would be a much better move. They could just say some ghost of jedi or soemthing was driving the podracer. No one would know the difference. Or better yet, just elimante useless charecters altogether. For example, cut the scenes with that dickwad JarJar Binks. My movie poster would look more like this for Episode one.

Why a Christmas tree and Gary Busey? Why not? Who doesnt love those things? Plus they would probably add more to the plot than the actual charecters to be honest. And why is the poster in Spanish? Well, I noticed halfway through making the picture that it was and was waaaaaay too lazy to fix it. So, ¡Feliz Navidad! Que la fuerza te acompañe! (That's may the force be with you by the way).



Earthquake?

Unbeknownst to be, there apparently was an earthquake the other day. Because of my awful timing, I didn't feel a damn thing because for some odd reason, I find it normal take a shower in the middle of the day. I mean, it's not like it would have mattered anyway because our town literally felt a tremor equivalent to the size of an elephant's shit hitting the ground. But people felt it none the less. I actually took a picture of the substantial destruction that this tremor did on the community. 

You have to understand something, the people around here don't know how to act when something odd like this happens. Shit like earthquakes do not happen here, so people get a little jacked about it. Hell, even I was talking about it! Not long ago we had a tornado roll through the Greensburg/Hempfield area and people were in a damn tizzy. 

Case in point, the hilarious Youtube sensation of all of about an hour, Tornado boy.

I get it, but it's not like this crap never happens. But people were and still are panicking about it, which is absurd and highly irrational. If people really think that something as outrageous as a city like New York will fall into the ocean because of this, then they need to take some meds or something. Get over it people. The United States is literally riddled with fault lines ready to explode at any minute. This WILL happen again, I guarandamntee it. Even the USGS says the good people of Southwestern Pennsylvania can have an earthquake. 

So maybe I was to hasty. Maybe with enough quakes, it COULD break off a portion of a city or even a state and devour it into Davey Jones's locker. Hell, it would lead to a kick ass sequel at least. 

Or not. 

The Young and the Elderly

Well Terrell, you go your wish. You are now a player in the NFL. Getting picked in the third round of the supplemental draft isn't that bad. But I will tell you what is... Going to the horrifying, terrifying, and daunting Oakland Raiders... 

 

Owner Al Davis

The Black Hole

Terrell Pryor

Nerdcore

On a recent episode of The Daily Show, Anne Hathaway exclaimed that the nerdy looking people in the crowd were, and I quote, "my people." And why does she consider the nerds her people? Well, about two sentences later in the interview will reveal that answer for you. According to her, she is a nerd because she is a "Scrabble fiend!" Anne, my darling, although I think you are literally the sexiest woman on the planet, I would not exactly call you a nerd. I consider myself a pretty big nerd, so I would think I sort of know the difference. Let's compare.

Although I would rather relish in the fact that you are a nerd, I cant. You may like Scrabble, but I would be willing to put the little bit of reputation I have on the fact that you were not in Scrabble club in high school like I was. I was the one sitting in there with a bunch of other nerds, playing words like xi and zilch. People like you, if you even did play scrabble, were playing words like it and for. Just the nature of the beast, man. Now I may be underestimating you, but until I have hard proof I kind of have to. You don't walk down the street seeing gorgeous women playing word games everyday. 

         Let's just face the facts Anne, you weren't a nerd in high school at least. Maybe you grew up to be one because you realized that the real people in this world are the people like myself. But I cant see you in situations like this. 

I can't see you wearing a collared Dragon Ball Z shirt like I did either. Nothing says nerd like a collard Dragon Ball Z shirt, especially when you were on the front page of the newspaper wearing it. It was the first day of school and I just so happened to be smiling, so KAZAM! There I was, in all my nerdy glory.

Anyways, if you can prove that you were and still are this so called nerd, then kudos to you. There is nothing that would make me happier. I already found you attractive, this would just be the cherry on top.

Stock Market

I have absolutely no idea how the stock market works. This may come as sort of a shock to you, but I am sort of an idiot when it comes to certain things. The stock market is one of those things. But let's be realistic here, literally no one around my age knows how the stock market works. Does anyone really care? I would think that people who actually have money invested in it do but it is literally the last thing on my mind. But even though I may not care, I do notice these things are happening. Lately, it seems like everyday I look at the news it takes a gigantic tumble down for absolutely no reason. I honestly think these are the reasons becasue there is no other logical explanation.

or...

Obviously these are not the reasons but everything I am reading is giving even dumber reasons. A direct quote from something I read said... "Rising fears of another recession hammered U.S. stocks on Thursday." Seriously? People are lossing millions of dollars because people think something is going to happen? I don't know anything about stocks and that just seems fishy to me. Just saying.

All of this is idiotic, I am sorry. It is almost as idiotic as the Mayans predicting the end of the world. Actually...

Cancelled!

I got some of the best news I have heard in a very long time today. One of the worst television shows to every grace the airwaves has been cancelled. The George Lopez Show will no longer be aired late nights on TBS.

PRAISE JESUS! When America heard the news, the streets were flooded with rejoice and rapture. Luckily I have the exclusive video from my people on the scene. Yeah, I got people.

Stupid Soccer

I am not even going to pretend that I know everything there is to know about soccer. Even though I sort of enjoy watching it from time to time and I even have a favorite MLS team, that still doesn’t coincide with the fact that I do not know nearly anything about the sport. I know the general stuff like what a corner kick is and how you receive one and what the difference between a red and a yellow card is. But that is about it. But I do know one thing… Soccer players are cry babies.

This fact is known by every sports fan across the world. I have seen a player get nudged, literally launch themselves to the ground, and then curiously look up at the referee for a card. I mean honestly, grow some balls dude. Have some damn sportsmanship.

This brings me to my main point… Real Madrid, one of the best soccer teams in the world, signed a seven year old to a contract. Let me reiterate. A SEVEN YEAR OLD! Who the hell does that? I don’t care if he’s the second coming of Jesus Christ himself, the kid is seven years old people. How could you possibly tell that the kid is going to be so good that you have to nab him before the ripe old age of 7 ½? Look at this kid, he still believes in the damn tooth fairy for God sake.

If this is the direction that professional soccer is going then I guess I will have to live with it. I don’t agree with it but I guess I could try and help out. My brother and sister in law just had a baby not long ago, you could take a look at her skills. Well, she is a girl though so I guess she couldn’t play for you, Real Madrid. But there is little Jimmy down the street. He might fit what you are looking for in the future.

Beards

I am a simple man. All I want is to be happy and live my life to the best of my ability. For me to be happy, there is one essential part of my physical appearance that I need, my beard. My beard is a part of me and my character. I mean, what else is there to say? I know it isn't as mighty as some beards out there, but its still a damn beard. Most men can't even grow one, and yes I have a hereditary bald spot under my chin. But let me tell you something, there is nothing that will ever make me shave this thing off. The main reason I am talking about this is because of one thing. One subject that gets me more angry than a lot of subjects out there... Jobs. I cant find a fucking full time job to save my damn life. I have applied to literally hundreds of jobs ranging from public relations to a train conductor and all I get are rejection letters. Sometimes I don't even get the courtesy of that. At this point, I am honestly thinking that these people circulate my resume with a head shot of me and they all conspire against me making a living. I honestly think that. But enough complaining about job hunting, that is a topic for another day. What I really want to know is why the hell am I not allowed a neatly trimmed beard in a professional setting? Who the hell made this rule back in the day? Seriously people. this isn't the damn 1940's anymore... so why is it I can't have facial hair? Is it unsanitary? Absolutely not. In fact, i shampoo is every day just like my hair. Is it unsightly? I doubt it. In fact, if I didn't have a beard people wouldn't be happy, they would be asking why that grown man looks like a gigantic baby. Seriously, I look like a giant man baby without my beard. So seriously, it is NEVER coming off.

But lets be serious, who really thinks that if someone has a beard they really shouldn't be hired? From what I read and hear, a lot of people. In my opinion this is absolutely absurd. You are telling me that if two people walk in to an interview, one of which is completely the right dude for the job and has a beard and the other the complete opposite, the guy without the beard is most likely going to get the job? From what everyone is telling me, yes that is the case.

OUTRAGEOUS. 

What would have happened if some of the greatest people in history needed a job today and had facial hair? 

Now in no way shape or form am I saying I am as good as those people in history. But to be quite honest, what if someone had something huge to share with a company and they simply were not hired because they had damn facial hair? I am taking a stand once and for all. Mark this down... I WILL NEVER SHAVE MY BEARD FOR ANYTHING. Blow me economy.

Fat Fat Fatties

I had an epiphany last night. While lying in bed listening to the radio, I realized I hate a lot of teams in all of the major sports. Why I hate those teams were never really clear to me until last night. I am not even joking that when I realized this, I literally sat up in bed and started thinking about this fact that I am about to bestow upon you. I realized that every single team I hate has some sort of person on the team, either player or coach, that is fat. Also, in some cases, a few of these players I really hate because they are obnoxiously arrogant. This really shouldn't bother me much being that I am not a small man and I am quite arrogant myself, but there is something about a professional athlete being the same that really bothers me. I think it's the fact that I think they should portray themselves in a professional manner being that that's exactly what they are... a professional.

Athlete number 1... an old favorite...

Athlete number 2... I really don't hate Bartolo Colon. I just thought this picture was hilarious and well, he does play for the damn Yankees. So I guess I do hate him a little. 

Athlete number 3... He plays for the Red Sox. What else do I have to say? 

Athlete number 4... Big hungry baby...

Number 5 is a coach... And he gets on my nerves so easily...

Number 6 is also a coach. And by the way, I can't take the credit for this picture. I found it online and died when I saw it. But I did add the words...

Got any other suggestions? Go for it. I am always up for new hatred. It's one of my many talents.