Saturday, July 16, 2011

J-Lo listens to me.

First off I would like to say I am sorry. Sorry for destroying a relationship that lasted seven beautiful years. What relationship you ask? Well I have to begin this story by saying that apparently my words are very strong and influential. By no means would I have said anything if I knew it was going to end up the way it did, so again I am sorry… actually, I'm not really that sorry...
It all began on that fateful day, the fourteenth of July, 2011. Like I said in a prior post that is the day my friend Justin and I went to the Warhol Museum to broaden our already intellectually superior minds. So afterwards, we decided, being the big sports fans we were, to walk down past PNC Park and Heinz Field. We figured hell, it’s a beautiful day, why waste inside a damn car all day? So we walk, and we walk, and we walk, and we finally get to Heinz field. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, American idol was at Heinz Field and were holding registration at this time. The place was a damn madhouse. Not that there were a shit ton of people down there at this time, but just how much crap was there. As we found out, this happened to be the second day of registration so there were a bunch of gigantic white tents, a bunch of cars, and a few talentless morons there waiting for their chance to be insulted on television. It was kind of sad actually.
But anyways, back to where I am going with this. Right as Justin and I approach the stadium I comment how Jennifer Lopez is a host on this show. We continue talking about her and I just so happen to mention he husband, Marc Anthony. I know two things about this man. First of all, I know about this dude is that apparently he is a singer. Of what songs, either notably or not so, I have no idea. But he is a singer none the less. The other thing I know about the dude is that he is weird looking. I mean, he seriously looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. The resemblance is eerie.

Hell it may have been him in the movie all the time. How that guy landed Jennifer Lopez I have no idea. He must have the songs of a damn Siren or something. So, we are walking past these tents, not knowing if the people are there or not. I get on this rant about how J-lo should actually just leave her husband because she could do 100 times better. I mean for God sake look at her. Next thing I know, it is about 6pm the next day and I see this news alert pop up,Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split.” I swear to you, I literally couldn’t believe my eyes. So friends and lovers, you tell me. Is it possible that I started the demise of a notable A-list romance? I would like to think so. In fact, I am here to tell you first hand friends and lovers… Greg Jackson is responsible for the demise of Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez.

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