Who the HELL is Jesse James?

I honestly could not tell you who the hell Jesse James is. I would consider myself to be connected to the whole celebrity scene pretty well, and I literally have no fucking idea who he is. All I know is that he is always in the news for some reason, he is apparently a sex addict, and gets engaged to gorgeous women over and over again. That's literally all I got on him. Well that and he looks like a creepy old man. Like seriously? How are these gorgeous women falling for this dude? He is a hipster old ass man who dresses way to young for his age. Not only that, he literally looks like what I think a child molester looks like.

I really want to know exactly what he said to Sandra Bullock and Kat Von D to get them to almost marry him. What could it have possibly been? I bet it went something like this. 

I mean honestly, what the hell is this guy thinking? He screws up two engagements with two beautiful, and I am only assuming, nice women. To do what? Go into the business of looking even creepier I think. Honestly dude, I think it's time to move on with your life. You are obviously not meant to get married. Or...

Green Algae

There is a mysterious outbreak of green algae in Yellow Sea. This, of course, is located  between mainland China and the Korean Peninsula. Scientists literally can't figure out what exactly is causing this but I think I found the solution... 

Big Lame Theory

Every Monday at 8:30 pm used to be my worst nightmare. Not only was it just minutes away from Monday Night Raw... yes I still watch wrestling, get over it... but it was the time of the week where a television show was on that literally makes my blood boil. Fortunately they moved it to Thursdays now, but it still curdles my blood like it did before. But anyways, that show is The Big Bang Theory and it may be one of the worst shows ever to be shown on television. This is, of course, only my opinion, and the ratings show otherwise. But coming from an actual nerd I have to say something... CBS, that really isn't how nerdy people act. I mean, yes, there may be people out there who act like those ass faces, but to the general public of nerds out there it really makes us look like a bunch of stereotypical shit for brains douche bags. First of all, they all talk like they have a couple of sticks shoved up their noses. Its quite possibly the most annoying sound I have ever heard in my entire life. Secondly, the hot blond that lives next door... Yeah, well, she would never be caught dead hanging out with those guys. Lets get real here.

I think the thing that really doesn't make sense to me is the fact that such humor could appease such a wide array of people. My father frigging loves that show, for example, and I wouldn't exactly call my pops "smart". The jokes are on another dimension. Literally. All they talk about are things like equations, space, and comic books. How many seasons can they really go on with that? Every time I see the show, which is not many times I might add, it's the same damn plot. I will fill you in on it so you don't have to put yourself through the absolute pain and anguish of the worst half hour of your life. The nerds get in some quirky laughable situation and then they figure out what happened and fix it in an awkward yet supposed to be funny manner. TA DA! I could write an episode. All I would have to do is add a bunch of big words that no one understands, add a laugh track so the dumb people watching at home knew when to laugh, throw in some references to Superman and were golden. The episode is ready for filming.

The worst character by far is the one they call Sheldon. I don't even know how to explain it, he just pisses me off. I think its how he talks and how he portrays his mannerisms on the show. Its so annoying and dip shit like I cant even begin to explain it. He just spews out useless facts that no one gives a shit about. And then there is the character named Leonard. He is almost as bad as Sheldon but honestly I never really pay attention to him. All I see is the little kid from Roseanne.

Really though, all I have to say is that the show really shouldn't be as popular as it is. For some reason, no matter what stupid studio sitcom CBS pushes out there, it gets massive ratings. While the actual funny and witty shows on networks like NBC don't get any recognition. The rating are constantly low on hilarious shows like 30 Rock and The Office. And to me that is an absolute crime.

Roy Halladay meet Judy Blume

Like I said in a previous post, I love the game of baseball. Its a beautiful thing, it really is. But when I see something outrageous like Roy Halladay leaving a start because he was hot... well that just makes me scratch my head. Man, you must be the worlds biggest pussy because in the almost 20 years of watching the sport I don't think I have ever seen that happen. He literally LEFT A GAME BECAUSE HE WAS HOT!!!!!!!!!! If you are a baseball purest, then honestly this should offend you. I don't give a shit if you are dehydrated dude, its your own damn fault for NOT BEING HYDRATED. I mean what did you do before the game? Not check the weather and see it's gonna be a hot one then promptly go into the sauna, while all along not drinking any water. That is the pre-game ritual of Roy Halladay apparently. But no, I honestly have another theory for you to examine...

I mean seriously dude... Why don't you go throw in your diaphragm and take a Midol, because that's the least manliest thing I have ever seen on a baseball diamond. I have something that could help you out though...

Roy, this is a book about a girl and her first period. I'm hoping this helps you out like Judy Blume helped so many people before you. Good luck with these new feelings little buddy.  

Tiger is an idiot.

What in the hell is Tiger Woods spending his money on? I looked it up, this guy has made $6 billion over his golfing career so far. That is with endorsements and everything. That is an insane amount of freaking money people...With that in mind, I cant even fathom how this douche bag  lost most of his fortune. I guess that's what you get when you have to pay off a bunch of women to not say anything about what you've done. Its either that or he just is an idiot with money. A lot of people are. Take myself for example... I need to pay off car and school loans but I just went out and bought a $60 video game. $60 is NOTHING to Tiger Woods. I understand he just divorced his ravishingly good looking former wife and settled for $1 million, but compared to his total earnings that is next to nothing. I say good for him. The guy seems like an ass wipe. But here is my point. I want to know what exactly he did with all that money. It blows my damn mind... I honestly think he just goes places and says he needs everything in them. In fact, here is what I think a day in the life of Tiger Woods looks like.

J-Lo listens to me.

First off I would like to say I am sorry. Sorry for destroying a relationship that lasted seven beautiful years. What relationship you ask? Well I have to begin this story by saying that apparently my words are very strong and influential. By no means would I have said anything if I knew it was going to end up the way it did, so again I am sorry… actually, I'm not really that sorry...

It all began on that fateful day, the fourteenth of July, 2011. Like I said in a prior post that is the day my friend Justin and I went to the Warhol Museum to broaden our already intellectually superior minds. So afterwards, we decided, being the big sports fans we were, to walk down past PNC Park and Heinz Field. We figured hell, it’s a beautiful day, why waste inside a damn car all day? So we walk, and we walk, and we walk, and we finally get to Heinz field. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, American idol was at Heinz Field and were holding registration at this time. The place was a damn madhouse. Not that there were a shit ton of people down there at this time, but just how much crap was there. As we found out, this happened to be the second day of registration so there were a bunch of gigantic white tents, a bunch of cars, and a few talentless morons there waiting for their chance to be insulted on television. It was kind of sad actually.

But anyways, back to where I am going with this. Right as Justin and I approach the stadium I comment how Jennifer Lopez is a host on this show. We continue talking about her and I just so happen to mention he husband, Marc Anthony. I know two things about this man. First of all, I know about this dude is that apparently he is a singer. Of what songs, either notably or not so, I have no idea. But he is a singer none the less. The other thing I know about the dude is that he is weird looking. I mean, he seriously looks like Gollum from Lord of the Rings. The resemblance is eerie.

Hell it may have been him in the movie all the time. How that guy landed Jennifer Lopez I have no idea. He must have the songs of a damn Siren or something. So, we are walking past these tents, not knowing if the people are there or not. I get on this rant about how J-lo should actually just leave her husband because she could do 100 times better. I mean for God sake look at her. Next thing I know, it is about 6pm the next day and I see this news alert pop up, “Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split.” I swear to you, I literally couldn’t believe my eyes. So friends and lovers, you tell me. Is it possible that I started the demise of a notable A-list romance? I would like to think so. In fact, I am here to tell you first hand friends and lovers… Greg Jackson is responsible for the demise of Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez.

Mila

It could happen. 

Culture

It seems like most people don't like to learn now a days. I don't really get it. Not only did I go to a museum today to broaden my cultural appreciations, but I watched a documentary last night. That is more learning than most people do in a month for God sake. I dont know about you people but I absolutely love learning new things. I dont know if its the area that I grew up in but it just seems as though the people in my life never really got into that kind of stuff. My friend Justin is literally the only person who will ever do these things with me. Seriously, are museums that bad? I could stare at art for fucking hours on end and enjoy every second of it. I mean actual good art though. Not some stupid shit like this...

That is an original art piece by me. Its that easy and its that shitty. I mean I honestly saw a piece of "art" that was a wooden box with white box inside of it. How long did that take you dude? Five minutes? And then these art enthusiasts will try and defend it which is completely ludacris because its literally something that a gorilla could make and put as much thought into. But stuff like this, which is actually in the Pittsburgh Art Museum, is spectacular. 

I literally stared at that for a solid couple of minutes. But that's actually not where I went today. I went to the Andy Warhol museum in Pittsburgh. His stuff is also spectacular. Anyone who hasn't gone really should make time to go see it. I mean look at this thing. This painting took up an entire wall and I couldn't stop smiling. 

How could you not like that? I guess people don't understand it or something. But like I said, I also don't understand why people don't like watching documentaries. I mean, its about shit in real life. What gets deeper than that? Not some of the stupid ass movies people watch today like Avatar. That shit is so mind numbingly stupid that I can even begin to explain. I know many other people have said it but its literally the plot of Pocahontas on another planet with some bestiality thrown in. God I hate that movie. Do not even get me started on the fact that its the number ONE top grossing movie of all time. That makes me instantly sick to think about. 

But in all seriousness people, get out there and get a little culture in your life. It does wonders for you. 

Albany

Honestly. Who the hell knew Albany was the capital of New York? What the hell is there?

MLB All Star Game

I love the game of baseball. Period. Ever since I was a kid and was told I wasn't allowed to play little league anymore because of my asthma, all I have done is analyze the game. The game of baseball is, in my opinion, probably the sport where the least amount of team play is needed. With that said, that would make it a prime sport for having a lot of major stars in the game. You would think that wouldn't you...  Back in the day, the commissioner of baseball was thinking to himself "man, it would be a good idea to have this cool game where all the best players get together and play." Sounds like a good idea doesn't it? Well my friends, if you haven't figured it out already, this is called the All Star game which happens at the mid point of ever baseball season. I don't know about anyone else, but lately I find the all star break to be absolutely painful to watch. For one thing, the home run derby use to be this mythical creature that devoured everyone's attention. Now, its four damn hours of absolute nonsense where former slap hitters (Jose Bautista) and obese vegetarians (Prince Fielder) do their best to hit the ball as far as they can without killing some idiotic fan. I have a problem with those two players in particular but I will talk about them a little later.

               Then there is the all star game, which is a whole other story. First of all, the fan voting needs to be taken away from them because the players they vote in do not make a lick of sense. I mean honestly, the starting lineup for the American League team was the before mentioned Bautista and they rest of the New York Yankees. If that is fair then I am the President of the United States. Not to be a homer or anything, but there were a couple legit all stars on the Pirates that deserved to be on the team. Sure they got on eventually but how about some love from the fans? I mean honestly, Andrew Mccutchen put up monster numbers and is playing arguably some of the best defense in the majors and Neil Walker, who didn't even make the damn team, is leading all major league second basemen in rbi's. If that doesn't deserve a look then I don't know what does. But noooooooooo, some dick face from the Brewers who has a couple more home runs than Walker and a guy who barely made the team started in place of those players. The whole fucking system is screwed up people. Just let the people who matter in the game pick the people. It should be a game showing off the best talent in the majors, not some half ass sham of a product where the fans vote for their favorite bench players. On the other hand even if they get voted in a lot of times the players don't even play. This year in particular, like half the players that got voted in were replaced by other players. Again, this is how Mccutchen got in. So whats the difference? Instead of all star game, it should be called this...

   Also, with this winner gets home field in the World Series shit, well that's frankly the dumbest thing I have ever heard in years. Bud Selig, this is a ALL STAR GAME! IT DOESN'T MATTER! I don't even think the players try half the damn time. If I lived in a city where my team was a legit contender from year to year and they didn't get home field because of some ass from the Marlins or Royals who HAD to be on the team, then I would be pissed.
    Now back to the actual game. Luckily, the National League won for a second year in a row. So that means, and by no means am I saying the Pittsburgh Pirates are going to win the NL pennant, that a team from the NL gets home field. They primarily won because Fatty Fielder won MVP by hitting yet another home run with his fat bat power. I honestly have not hated a single player in any sport more than this guy in my 24 years of existence on this earth. Its insane how much I hate him. Honestly if he is a vegetarian then all he eats is bread. Loafs and loafs of Italian bread for every meal. That's it. This is what he looks like every time hes trying to waddle to first base...

 Now to Jose Bautista. I actually liked this guy during his tenure in Pittsburgh, don't get me wrong. But seriously who the hell figured out that if he stepped before he swung the damn bat he would go from 15 to 50 home runs a year. You are telling me that a little adjustment like that can help a hitter that much? Honestly who the hell is Toronto's hitting coach? Jesus Christ himself?. Its either that or he just wanted out of Pittsburgh so badly he barely swung the bat. Those are my best guesses. Trust me it looked like that sometimes.

   I guess all I am trying to say is I really wish they would look into changing the All Star game somehow. Either get rid of it or try something drastic because this boring ass crap isn't cutting it. Just sayin.

The one and only...

       It's me, it's me, it's G-R-E-G... Yes people, I decided that finally I would write what many of you have been clamoring for, a blog. Actually no one has ever "clamored" me to do this but I kind of wish they would have. In fact, I have and always will have many things to say about a wide range of subjects. I admit, some of them might not be the smartest things that have ever come out of someones mouth, like the time I said the University of Phoenix had a football team, but they are all said with good intentions.

       I thought to myself,"Greg, what could you possibly write about that could capture every persons imagination from Scottdale to Scotland. From Dawson to Denmark. From Greensburg to Grindavic" (yes I looked that shit up. Its in Iceland). See? I win.

The answer to that wonderful question is... drum roll please... stuff.  I am going to write about anything and everything that I want to at that particular time. Any subject could be tackled really. Sports, current events, movies, music, and just random shit that pisses me off could all be on the docket. The only things I could really come up with that I wont talk about are politics and the stock market. That shit literally makes no sense to me. I think I am going to try to post either once every other day or once every day if you are lucky enough. So check early and check often people. Thanks a lot and enjoy.