Stolen

I don't understand people. Plain and simple. What compels them to steal things off of other peoples desk at a work place? I mean honestly. I have had multiple things stolen off of my desk, all of which perplex me even more than the last. Here are some of the things that have been stolen off of my desk in the past few months. And don't give me the "how do you know it was stolen and not misplaced" crap. I am obsessive about where I put things on my desk so I know.

1) A dollar bill- Of all of the things on my list, this is the only one I could possibly even justify. Maybe they were broke and wanted a snack. Maybe they just saw an opportunity to grab a loose dollar... even though it really wasn't loose. I mean, we all have chased down a rampant dollar bill being blown down the street before, right? But even though I may understand this one, it still doesn't make me less pissed off that someone took money off of my desk. I mean honestly, is there someone just kind of sneaking around perusing each desk for goodies? Fuck em'.

2)Pens- The writing utensil not the hockey team of course... this one I will NEVER understand. Not only are you given about 15 when you start, but you can walk about 15 feet down the hallway and ask for 15 new ones if you would like. Instead, people will take your own personal, half used, germ infested pens to use for their own personal use. I mean, I don't know about you, but I chew on pens subconsciously for God sake. And now you are writing with it? Be my guest.



3)White out- Now this shit is like gold. I get at least one of these a week vandalized off of my desk. It is outlandish. Who the hell needs all of this white out? Who is making that many mistakes that they have to take multiple white out rollers and use them? What the fuck are you doing with them, thief? My personal opinion and what I would like to think is happening is that they are painting their walls... line, by line, by line, by line...you freaking asshat.

4) Calculator- Yes... someone has actually stolen my cheap ass Canon desktop calculator. Why? I have not one fucking clue. To give to their kid to have fun with? To do simple arithmetic, maybe? Or how about because people are insane. That gets my vote.

5) Tape Dispenser-  I remember this one quite vividly. It was right around Christmas time. I remember reaching for my dispenser to tape my drawer shut... because we have desks made of imitation sheet metal and wont stay together...  and I could not find my tape. After looking literally everywhere I am confused as all hell. Someone stealing my dispenser was so far in the back of my mind because I honestly didn't think that would ever happen in the history of mankind. I mean, on a list of things to steal a tape dispenser may rank between a clump of grass and some sand art from the county fair. But then I thought to myself... Well maybe they will return it. I mean, it was almost Christmas. People need to wrap presents.

6) My Water Bottle- I saved this one for last because not only is it the grossest, but it has happened multiple times. What the fuck do these people think it is? That monkey statue from Raiders of the Lost Arc? It is a damn water bottle that not only I use for about two to three weeks, but isn't even nice. It's literally an Aquafina bottle that I replace after a while because water starts to taste stagnant in it. But yet, even though I hide it behind my computer clearly making it not garbage, it gets stolen... three times. I can't even register why this would even happen. It makes no logical sense.

Insane people apparently love "free" shit no matter what it is. Someone should tell them there are free rocks outside all over the place. They may have a conniption.