Being sick

Well folks, it has finally happened. I am now a Mac man. Not by choice, really, but out of necessity. I will now pause for a few moments so you all can get your smart ass hipster comments out of the way Go ahead… You good now? Good. Anyways, this is the first blog post I will be writing from a Mac and I just wanted to take it for a little test run. Why have I converted to Mac you ask? For one simple reason actually, you get what you pay for. Since college, I have been though three PC laptops, all of which were over $500. And though I loved my first and third laptops, a lifespan of 2.3 years per computer is a downright travesty. Thus, here I am $1200 in the can but with a computer that will last me 10-15 years. That, my friends, is the opposite of a travesty. Let’s just take a look at the numbers. If I were to go on the same pace I was on, I spent, if my memory serves me correctly, about $1800 total on all three of my computers in those seven years. And lets just say my Mac will last me 14 years like the good people who sold me said it would. That would mean in the in those 14 years I would have spent a total of $3600 where I should have just bit the bullet and got a Mac in the first place. I will be saving money in the long run folks. And isn’t that what life is all about?

But now to the real issue of the day… Hey, if you haven’t heard, I God damn hate my job. For many reasons I have already discussed and for many reasons yet divulged, one more can be stacked onto the ever growing pile of unimaginable proportions. This time is much different than the others though, hence why I am writing about it. We had a meeting with all of the people whom work in my department the other day. We have these meetings from time to time for bullshit reasons such as being a moral booster or maybe just talking about current issues and current changes in procedure. This particular meeting was of the later. There was a change being made by HR in the way you have to call off because of illness. Instead of just calling off because you are sick, you now have to let them know 48 hours in advance of you becoming ill…. Let me say that again because I don’t think you quite understand how outlandish this is. YOU MUST SCHEDULE SICK TIME 48 F’ING HOURS BEFORE BECOMING ILL! HUH?!?

Honestly, I would just like someone to explain to me who thought that was a good idea. How did this procedure even come into play? And really, what is this even accomplishing? It may deter people from calling off a little less, but I doubt it. People are still going to call off and you know it. But I understand how this is going to work. I don’t ever get sick for Christ sake. Ever. So what does this matter to me? In fact, I think I am going to come down with dysentery in late January of 2013.

 I don’t know, lets say February 23^rd. What the hell, that seems accurate to me. Oh, I would also like to schedule December 20^th off because I am planning on getting a third degree burn. And before I forget, I think I am going to come down with a bad case of the sniffles on January 3^rd. So I am going to call off those days due to those reasons. Thank you for not making any sense HR department.

The only thing I could possibly compare this to is the time, and I wrote about this in my book, that I worked at Crapplebees. This is the only time I was so flabbergasted by a rule and what they did to me that I actually laughed in front of management. I was standing there taking an order from a table and all of a sudden I sneezed. Yes, I did what any normal person would do in the situation… cover their nose with their hand. It did not even cross my mind that this was against company policy and I literally got written up for covering my mouth. Their reasoning? I should have covered with my arm/ elbow. Yes, because people can make literal split second decisions of what part of their body is going to cover their snot from flying on a customer. Outrageous. This is EXACTLY why I hate working for a company. None of their policies make any God damn sense.

You know what job, I think I am going to have to call off this coming Monday, the fifth of November. Not only is it my birthday, but I will have a gigantic case of the Monday’s. While you are at it, let me take off Tuesday too. I think while resting from my case of the Monday’s, I will contract a terrible case of I don’t give a damns.

You see that? That's me not giving a damn.