Cleveland

Start off with a wonderful video.



Oh Clevelandtown. I hate to say it, and it kills me to do so... but I think I may be allergic to you. You see, I was in your presence this past weekend and ever since I got into the realm of, as they say, "The Clev", I have had massive amounts of congestion and migraines. I am not sick, let's get this straight. I rarely get sick and I know when I am. This is not it. So it has to be some sort of allergy... no other explanation.

Maybe it was the crippling depression.

I mean, honestly, there was NO ONE out at night. I couldn't believe it. I asked Cody, one of my good friends I was with at the time, "are you sure this is a major city"? Because I swear to you, there was literally not a soul on the streets. I was perplexed. Actually I don't know if I was perplexed by that or the fact that I wasn't sure why my head was pounding ALL DAY LONG...

Or maybe it was the constant badgering I took the night before. The first night I felt fine but a lot of things happened that may have lead to these things happening. How about when I beat some girl at darts and she called me an ass. Or how about the girl that was wearing a stripped maroon and yellow sweater who called me a dick for saying she looked like Harry Potter. Or how about the guy who got pissed at me for saying "let's go Steelers" because he was wearing a Pitt hat. Like literally angry. It didn't make any sense. Or how about the angry random black guy who was honestly confused by the fact that I ordered rye toast at a diner... or dinor depending on which side of Lake Erie you are from. Why it was any business of that man's I have no idea but I obliged him by convincing him I was Jewish. A man at the next table even said Salome to me as I was leaving. So in a matter of one night, I was called ass, dick, dick, and Jew. A pretty good accomplishment if I do say so myself. But maybe I am having these headaches from the mental anguish I was put through. I doubt it.

Or maybe it is from that punching bag game I tried to conquer. For those of you who don't know, a lot of bars now adays have these games where burly manly men pay anywhere from 50 cents to a dollar to punch this punching bag as hard as they can. It then measures how hard you punch it. Then other men try and you mock them by how weak they are. You know, good old wholesome fun. Well, being as awesome as I am, I tried this with little effectiveness. Unbeknownst to me, and without having much liquor in my system, I was standing much to close to the machine. I reared back, and wailed on the bag as hard as I could. It looked a lot more majestic then it actually was... being that my follow through was met by a brick wall. Immediately all five of my knuckles on my right hand start bleeding and swelling. It hurt SO BAD. Luckily I didn't break anything but it still hurt like hell. Maybe it is because of that. But I don't think.

So sooooooomething had to have done it. Something had to have latched onto me and is effecting me in such a way that I cant even stand it anymore. Any suggestions? Because I have no idea. It's probably the river water. Haven't you heard? All of Cleveland's fish have aids.