Chapter 4: Driving

Chapter 4

Driving

There may be nothing in this book that pisses me off more than this subject. I consider myself a good driver. Other people may think differently of this, but I think I am quite skilled at this particular act. I mean come on, how hard is it? I remember the first time I ever sat behind the wheel to try and drive. It was like I had been doing it all of my life. Even when I parallel parked for the first time, it wasn’t perfect but I did a damn good job for my first effort. And not only was I good at it, I enjoyed doing it. There are few things in life that I actually like doing and driving is one of them. If gas wasn’t so damn expensive, I would literally get in my car and just go. There is something wholesome and nostalgic about getting in my car, cranking some awesome tunes, and just going down a road I have never been on before. But with everything good and pure, there is an evil that goes right along with that. That’s just a proven fact.

These evil evil things are called laws. A lot of laws are stupid and that is no one else’s opinion by my own. There is no doubt about it that these laws are put in place to keep people safe, and I understand this, but I don’t have to go agree with them. Take for example the law that says you can only pass someone on the left side of a two lane highway. Why? Why is it we can’t pass on the right? Is there a reason, other than more order on the road? I really don’t think so, because things were working just great before they added that law into the system oh about ten years ago. Are you telling me that the roads were absolute insanity before they added that law just because people were passing on the right hand side of the road? Now that just sounds unreal to me. Well I got news for you kiddos, I still pass on the right hand side of the road and there is absolute nothing you can do about it. Suck on that for a while.

How about the red yield sign, because I have absolutely no idea what the purpose of it is. They got rid of the yellow yield sign to make way for the red yield sign, and they never really explained why. Let’s look at a picture of each in their natural habitats to see if there is a difference…

 

Just as I thought, can’t tell a damn thing. I wouldn’t be able to tell you the difference if I tried. In fact, I have actually mentioned this to people and they can’t even remember there being such things as a yellow yield sign. I guess people really didn’t pay attention to the color of the sign. But let’s look at the word yield for a second. When I think of that word, I think I am going to be cautious when doing something that you need to be cautious about. What a concept. That’s why they are called yield signs and that’s why they are put where they are. Now let’s look at these forth mentioned colors of the yield signs. I am banking on the fact that they based an original yield sign off of the middle color of a traffic light. Yellow on a traffic light means, slow the hell down because red is coming up. A yellow yield sign means slow the hell down because you are driving into moving traffic. Makes sense right? Now what the fuck does a red yield sign mean? Red is the universal color for stop. Even on the traffic light, red means stop. So you are telling me making a yield sign red makes sense? It completely contradicts the point of a yield sign. When they first put them into circulation I wasn’t sure if I had to stop or not, and in fact I am still unsure. But I don’t make the laws, Uncle Sam does. Who am I to point out stupid flaws in the system.

            Another sign that just gets me is the hidden driveway sign. Why would this sign bother me so much? Well it’s the simple fact that I can never find the damn driveways. I don’t know about you, but whenever I see a sign for a hidden driveway, I haphazardly look around for that said hidden driveway. I want to know where that thing is damn it. For what reason, I have no idea. I just need to know. You would generally find these signs on back country roads, so if you don’t really drive them you wouldn’t know what they look like. For those people, this is a hidden driveway sign…

 

Now this is what I don’t get. They literally post these things feet from the driveway, basically giving you no time to react to it even if there was a damn car coming out of it. So what’s the point really? There is no damn point. That’s my point… I remember this one specific sign I would see on my way to college. I must have seen this thing hundreds of times and I literally could never find it. It must have been really hidden well. I guess in this case the sign was needed. There cant be many of these around though. I mean, I may have seen ten in my day. I guess, if you look at the perfect world, it really doesn’t make sense to build a hidden driveway. Only idiots would do it really. I just chuckle when I think about them missing their house every time. Amateurs.

The speed limit is also incredibly stupid. The top speed limit in Pennsylvania is 65 miles per hour, about 10-15 less than it should be in some places. Route 119, which is right next to my home town, has a speed limit between 55 and 65 mph. It’s literally a complete straight shot with no dips or wide turns wherever it is you may be going. So you are telling me that the fastest I can safely go is 65? I can do that in my sleep. I have hit 85 easily on that road without even knowing. The only problem is that it is only two lanes so I could see that maybe being the reason for it only being 65 but I don’t think it needs to be that low. People need to just stop being pussies and drive like they have a pair. I’m not saying it should be like the autobahn, I am saying that adding 5-10 mph onto the current speed limit wouldn’t hurt and still would be quite safe.

            How about traffic laws that people need to learn how to obey? There are a lot of them. The one that by far gets me riled up the most is what I just talked about, speed limits. If people aren’t going to obey them then honestly they should have their license taken away. There is a road near me, for the life of me I have no idea the name of it, but people literally go 30 and it is a 45. Now this is consistent. I don’t understand it at all because it’s not just a peppering of people here and there doing it, it’s all the fucking time. This is a main road I have to take to get to just about anywhere too. I ride people asses so they get the point, I don’t really care honestly. Another one is the dreaded right turn on red rule. I swear when people turn the age of 60 they completely disregard this rule and just sit at the red light. You would think that by that age, you are afraid you are running out of time and you would actually want to skip a damn light but no… they just sit there and waste my fucking time. It literally outrages me when this happens and it never fails that I always hit one of these jackasses when I am running late. So what do I do? Something that any angry bastard would do in that situation lay on the horn. I lay on the horn till they realize their fault and fix it. It’s really sort of funny to watch because they realize you are honking at them and you can actually see them trying to figure out why you are honking at them. Right on red is near the last thing they think of almost every time. It’s really maddening.

            Speaking of growing a pair a few paragraphs or so back, and to get off the subject of stupid traffic laws, lets talk about weather for a little while. Weather scares people to no ends. It keeps people locked inside their house like there is a horde of robbers outside their house waiting for them to make a wrong move. It’s retarded. If there is just one speck of snow falling from the sky, people panic like the Hindenburg is falling on top of their new puppy. They hurry up, grab their coat, make a quick list of the essentials and speed to the super market. The list consists of these things and ONLY these things. This is essential for survival when there is ANY amount of snow on the ground…

1.      Bread

2.      Eggs

3.      Toilet Paper

4.      Milk

 This is all you need to survive a snow flurry and if you didn’t know that then you have probably felt the harsh truths of your idiocy during the winter of 2009. Now take into consideration, this is the only time these people will ever speed too. These are the very people who putts down the road when it’s 90 and sunny out, but if there is a threat of fucking snow they fly down the damn road. If there is snow in the forecast, they HAVE to get to the store and they HAVE to get these things. So laws don’t exist when there is snow in the forecast, just so you know. Now this is only when there is a threat of snow.

God forbid there is actually a dusting on the ground. If there is actually snow on the ground everyone is a damn shut in. They can’t go out, for any reason, life or death. Someone literally could be dyeing and it just doesn’t matter. It was their time and they should have known it was coming because there were snow flurries. These people are pompous pricks. When the month of November hits, this is all they care about. My parents, and everyone else of the age of forty, are crowded around their television sets waiting for the ten day forecast so they can plan their week accordingly. They live and die by 32 degrees Fahrenheit. And holy hell, be ready to feel the wrath of every adult in the world if you go out when it’s snowing.

If you make it to your car without falling to your death… then you have to worry about the few people who actually aren’t afraid of driving in the snow. Well, actually there are types of people who will drive if its snowing. There are the people who aren’t fazed by the white stuff, the people who are cautious, and the people who are deathly afraid of it but have to drive in it. I am one of the people who just doesn’t give a shit about the snow. It doesn’t faze me one bit. I drive like I normally do, which is not like a fucking idiot and/or lunatic. I drive the speed limit down the road, just to be safe of course, and I don’t try to pass someone unless they themselves are not going the speed limit. By that I mean mostly everyone who is driving on the road when it’s snowing. For some reason people think that the speed limit plummets from 65mph to 25mph. So I have to deal with this when I drive to work. These are the forth mentioned people who are deathly afraid to drive in the snow people. You look at them while you pass them and they look the part to. If I had time to analyze their faces, I would probably think that their lives are literally flashing before their eyes every time they see another car on the road. This is sort of what they look like…

 

I am telling you they all look like that… Now like I said, I don’t drive like an idiot in the snow, but apparently some people do. I swear some people just jerk their steering wheel back and forth because that’s the only possible way people could end up in some of these wrecks I have seen. I just saw and SUV flipped on its roof on the way to work. I am not even exaggerating. And yes it was snowing, but how the hell do you even do that? I could see if there was another car involved, but there wasn’t. This had to be how the scenario went… They were driving very cautiously down the highway and they hit a patch of snow. They panicked, and like a jackass they thought they were sliding so they jerked the wheel in the other direction, then hitting some ice, lost control, and somehow flipped over perfectly. Sound plausible to me… That was their face in the above picture, except they shit themselves. But seriously, science couldn’t even fucking figure that one out. 

          Some people aren’t really worried about the snow really, it’s the “black ice”. What the hell is this black ice everyone is talking about? I honestly have never seen any black ice in my life. And no I am not talking about the 2009 AC/DC album because I have heard of that. Apparently it is more deadly than a gun because people who drive literally have nightmares about this stuff. Yes, I have slid before, and it is not a big deal. If that was the notorious black ice, then it could have fooled me. I wish there were people that just shouted ambiguous warning shouts to people driving through black ice. Being that I have no idea where or what exactly it is, apparently everyone else knows. So why not pay some poor schmuck to yell at the cars that are going slow enough to hear them, “ WATCH OUT” or “HEADS UP.” That would be hilariously entertaining, yet it would probably cause more accidents because then people would panic and jerk on their wheels like friging idiots. I understand, out of the millions of people on this earth, I may be the only one who has never had problems driving in snow and black ice. Does that make me a better person? Yes, it does. It makes be a spectacular driver. And I am damn proud of that fact.

Some people may say that I have road rage, and yes sometimes I do. It just matters what time of day it is, what mood I’m in, and if one of the other cars on the road pisses me off. But I think something that really has a bit to do with it is cops. Its not that I don’t like police, its just I think that sometimes they pull people over for dumb reasons. I have had two tickets in my life and both were for dumb reasons. Well in my mind they were at least. The first was during my first year of college. I was on my way home from Homestead seeing a movie with a bunch of my friends. A friend of mine named JJ was in the back seat with two other people. Not let me remind you, at this time I had a two door Olds Cutlass, so it’s not like it is a big car or anything. I have five pretty large people in there. Now JJ was complaining the entire trip how he had to go to the bathroom. So I finally got fed up with him complaining about it so I was speeding a little. I was going 82 in a 65 on a completely abandoned highway at 3 am. Why is that illegal? I honestly think if there is no one on the road at all you should be allowed to speed. It’s not going to hurt anyone. So this guy pulls me over, who by the way I didn’t see because the guy didn’t have one light on. The guy comes up with this attitude about him that I already didn’t like, and then acted like a total dick to me. I know I was speeding, this is the first time I was ever pulled over, so both JJ and I were shitting our pants. He gives me some guff about speeding, I am cooperative, and I get a ticket of almost $200. Needless to say I was livid. I also got 4 points, which from what I hear was one of the highest point totals of anyone I know who has gotten a ticket.

My second ticket came my senior year of college, so I went three years without getting one. I remember the exact day this one happened because it made me so angry when I got it. It was actually when I was coming home from Easter break, so they basically had everything scoped out. I was at the end of this off ramp which goes back into the college town. There is a stop sign at the end of it rather than those pesky red yield signs. So instead of stopping, because no one ever goes down this road, I yield and continue on my way. Little did I know there was a unmarked care up the street looking at me. He pulls me over and is kind of a dick, but nicer than the other guy. He also give me some spiel how I need to stop at stop signs, like I am a damn idiot. And then proceeds to give me a $150 ticket with no points.    

Now what I want to know is why do cops have to be such assholes? I understand your job is basically telling assholes why they are being assholes, but there are normal people such as me who are not assholes. I know what I did wrong, so why give me guff? Just tell me what I did, give me a ticket, and move along, sir. You don’t need to test my patience by sitting in your car for 20 minutes. You don’t need to play games with me dude, just do your job. Does it say in your handbook that you had to wait till the last minute to fill your quota for the month?  No it most likely doesn’t, so don’t take it out on me. Again, I have nothing against cops and I plan on never getting another ticket in my life. But when and if I do, just don’t be a douche bag about it. I know I am in the wrong.

GPS, or global positioning system (who actually knew what that stood for), is another thing that really upsets me. Though it is awfully convenient, it can be awfully retarded. I type in the damn address, making completely sure that I have spelled everything correctly, and yet some towns aren’t even in the damn thing. I don’t know if its just mine but I don’t think that’s the case. I have a really good brand. Case in point… This summer, a good friend of mine invited me over to see her baby. She was inviting a bunch of people for a barbeque. Her name is Danielle by the way, but I call her red because of her devilish red hair. Forget the fact that she lived almost two fucking hours away, when I got there I couldn’t find her house. I was looking for this house for honestly 20 minutes before I found it and that is because it told me the house was on the right side on the other end of the street. So that’s where I stopped. And to top it off, and to get on a completely other subject, why the hell don’t people have addresses on their houses? It’s like a God damn journey when you are trying to find someone’s house because you can never find the damn house number. I was a pizza delivery driver for a short time, and forget about finding the numbers on these houses. How hard is it to buy those sticky numbers for a couple dollars and stick them on your damn house? I know it looks tacky but God forbid someone is hurt in your house and an ambulance can’t find the place. I mean seriously, it’s a friging hazard let alone not being convenient for anyone but you. I guess these people don’t have anyone over ever. I don’t know, maybe I am the only one who thinks this, but although I love my GPS and I literally couldn’t live without it, I still wish it would take me exactly where I was going. Man am I picky.

Also, why the hell is it so expensive to update one of these fucking things? Like legit, for me to update the map on my GPS system, it would cost me about $100. That’s insane. You are telling me that for me to updates a few damn street name changes in my system, it is going to cost me the same or even more than a new GPS system? That’s literally the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my entire life.

How about animals? Those cute and fuzzy critters are bastards when it comes to driving. I have hit my fair share of animals in my day too. It’s like these things are stupid. They literally wait until the last minute to make a b-line for your car. Not the person in front of you or behind you, they go for your car. Murphy’s law, that’s what that is. I have hit four animals, and absolutely none of them were my fault. The first was actually a raccoon, and I remember like it was yesterday. I remember this like it was yesterday because I hit the second animal on that same night. I was actually driving to a girl’s house, whom I was dating at the time, to drop her off after going to a high school football game. Brad was with me as well and little did he know that this girl lived basically in the middle of nowhere and in the middle of the woods. On the way in there is this raccoon on the road just chilling. I leisurely miss him and continue on my way. On the way back though this idiot raccoon goes right for my car and I run him over. I freak out, being the first animal I have ever hit, while Brad laughs his ass off. By the way if you have ever heard this kids laugh, you are in for a treat, but that’s beside the point. But after the fact, we continue down the road. I am just getting a little calmed down and all of a sudden a deer runs out and runs into the side of my car. I freak out. The deer was fine and ran off, but I swear to God these animals have a death wish. The third was a little kitty cat which I felt absolutely awful about. I jumped out of some weeds, and I hope it wasn’t anyone’s pet. But last and certainly not least happened not too long ago. I had work at 6:30am so I left my house at 5:45am. This, I believe, was a Wednesday in January so that early in the morning it is still pitch black out. Hence why I hit this elusive animal.

 This particular animal I have never seen in real life outside of that moment, and really I only saw it alive for a split second. I was driving down the highway and all of a sudden a gigantic bird flies out in front of me and hits my car. I had no idea what it was until I stopped and evaluated the situation. It wasn’t a turkey. It wasn’t a flamingo. It wasn’t even a chicken, which it could have been being that there is a farm right next to where I was. It just so happened to be an owl. I hit an owl. I could have sworn these things were frigin endangered, and I just so happen to hit one of them. Trust me, just another step along my unusually hilarious life. To top it off, the fucking thing took a gigantic chunk out of my bumper. I was absolutely livid, and kind of still am. The reason I am so mad is not because I hit some stupid gigantic useless bird, but because my insurance wouldn’t pay for the damages. Like I can control when huge, rabid, rat eating birds fly in front of my car while I am going 60mph down the damn highways. Get a fucking life. Help me out for once. I only pay you over $100 dollars a month for basically no reason. Here is a picture of my actual bumper damage from hitting this stupid thing… Don’t mind the snow by the way, I was on my way to by my eggs and bread when I took this.

I will always love driving. There is no doubt about that. But I know there will always be things on the road that will piss me off. Be it stupid people, animals, or weather, it really doesn’t matter because I will always have to drive places. Just stay out of my way you stupid mother fuckers; just ask the owl community what could happen to you. 

Chapter 3

Music

            One of the most awesome things in the world is music. There are so many different types of music that you can literally go months without hearing the same genre let alone song twice. I grew up with a musical family. My parents always listened to music so I was pretty cultured. Along with that, whatever types of music my parents didn’t listen to, my brother did. This covered hard rock to punk rock basically. Because of this, I have a pretty eclectic taste for music. But with hat in mind, there is still a lot of music out there that is absolutely shitty. I would guesstimate that for ever good artist out there, probably five shitty ones exist. So there may be a lot to talk about in this chapter.

            Like I said, I grew up with a lot of music in my life. My brother was in band throughout his high school career so I was exposed to that whole lifestyle. I also ended up doing band mainly because my family wanted me to. I picked the saxophone as my weapon of choice and I went at it. I never really liked practicing, but who does really? They used to offer us incentives if we practiced but they were usually shitty penny candy or stickers. Stupid little shit like that was not going to get me to practice, trust me. But what it did make me do was cheat… a lot. I used to write down how many fake hours I would practice and forge my parent’s signature. Then I got my penny candy. That’s how I roll. I mean honestly, who the fuck wants to practice for penny candy and stickers? No one. Get a clue you morons. I mean honestly, since when have sticker been relevant for anything whatsoever? They are literally useless.

 I then joined marching band in my high school days, mainly because my mother wouldn’t allow me to play football. I always wanted to play for my home town Scotties. They may have been awful, but I would have lost right along with them. I kind of want tot hank my mom for saving me years of anguish because I most likely would have blown out my knees. But I learned a lot from it. Discipline, listening skills, and even proper ways of exercising were some of the many things I will take with me from that experience. I was also once called a steaming pile of piss by a band director once, so that was cool. That guy was a big dick let me tell you.

            Other than band, like I said I got a lot of my love for music from my family. I wouldn’t call my parents gurus of music, but they introduced me to a lot of stuff while I was young. My father is a huge Beach Boys fan let alone a huge oldies fan. It’s basically all my parents listened to in the car so I had a lot of exposure to that. I remember when we used to live in the trailer park they used to blast that stuff through the whole trailer. I don’t remember a lot of specifics about what music they used to play but I do remember one particular song. Smooth Operator by Sade was a song my parents used to play constantly when it was big. It used to make me mad even when I was a kid. As an effort to make fun of it, my brother and I would scream “foooood operator” because it kind of sounded like it. Boy, were we clever. Speaking of my brother he really didn’t listen to the same stuff my parents did. And at this time I was into the whole young kid faze where I listened to the Spice Girls and stupid shit like that. I literally had no musical taste, but who does really until they get a little older. But my brother listened to the classics. Classic rock and punk were his forte. Bands like the Doors, Led Zepplin, Tom Petty, and the Misfits were some of the bands he frequented. This is where I got it from. I thank my family for giving me my musical taste.

            But I thank Howard Stern for bringing it to light. It wasn’t until I head one of his radio shows way back in the late 1990’s when I realized that I wanted to be in radio, which in turn made me listen to the radio more. Listening to the radio more makes you hear more music. What an equation. Who would have thought that listening to the radio meant you heard more music…

Radio+ ears = hearing music

Wow, it's that simple? But even back then I listened to some shitty stuff. I think I listened to one of those current hits stations where the DJ’s thought they were the coolest people on the planet where in fact they were just annoying the shit our of everyone that listened. They were playing crap like Sisqo and Nelly. If you know who those people are you know how irrelevant those people are now. But then something magical happened. Somehow, in some distant universe, I heard what would come to be the best thing I have ever heard. A band called Weezer.

            Weezer was the band who popped my musical cherry. They were the ones who made me look for other music and they were the ones who made my musical pallet into what it is today. They made me realize what good music is and what absolute crap is. Sisqo and Nelly were crap where Weezer and Cake were not. It’s a simple equation…

Great music- Shitty music = Success!

            So by me saying that Weezersubgenres that have emerged from the independent music scene since the 80s, such as grunge, British pop, gothic rock, and indie pop. It has a certain sound to it that I love. Weezer is on that list along with other bands like the Smashing Pumpkins, the Red Hot Chili Peppers, modest Mouse, and the Killers are just some of the bands that have had huge success in this genre of music since the 1990’s. There are really shitty bands though. Linkin Park is a fucking awful band. In fact have they made an album in about ten years? They made that song for the Transformers movie and everyone was like, oh yeah that was a band once. They legitimately only had one album. They had their first album, which I kind of liked, and it was called Hybrid Theory. Then they pulled a fast one on everyone and released a remix album called Meteora. Who the hell liked remix albums except for die hard fans? Oh, that’s right, no one. No one has die hard fans after one album. And to top it off it took them three pain staking years to release. Nothing says serious artists like releasing a shotty remix album after three years.

 I really think it all comes down to talent. I know talent when I hear it and I respect them if they have it. I don’t listen to pop music per say, but I know for a fact that one of the only people out here with talent right now is Katy Perry. Good lord can she wail. So when I hear other people out there with hits like Taylor Swift, it makes me angry. I also have a thing for women

singers so I kind of have a bias for them. If you are a rock band that has a lead singer of the female sex, you are golden in my book.

            My tastes grown vastly over the years. Back in the early 2000’s there were a slew of unbelievably annoying bands that came out that had huge popularity. These bands would sing songs about first dates and songs about an anthem, and at the time I was not a fan because of how overplayed and unbelievably frustrating these songs sounded. It really bothered me that stuff like this could actually be played on the radio and get significant playing time. It just goes to show that most people don’t know what good music is or how it sounds. This type of music has a name, and people call it emo. Emo music is typically awful and is described as melodic musicianship and expressive, often with lyrics that confess something. Even that description made me a little uncomfortable, imagine what listening to Blink 182 did to me. I got so pissed about this type of music at one point that I went on my Myspace account and wrote a little something about. This was my rant…

 

I would like just to point out that I don’t know this kid, and I don’t care to know him either. From what I have come to understand, this poor soul is "emo." For those of you who don’t know what emo is, I have compiled some information that may help you in your search for understanding this lifestyle. Emo, first and foremost, is a type of music. Shitty bands play this type of music, and I don’t like them. My Chemical Romance is one, for example, and from what I hear, they aren’t ok. This music is listened to by mostly douche bags, and they dress like douche bags as well. They wear a lot of black (most of them), they have lame ass hair, and the boys wear girl’s jeans. All of those factors piss me off, especially the last. Emo boys are typically extremely skinny white boys who can fit into these jeans and they think its sweet looking. Me, well I just think it’s very homosexual. The whole black thing is fine with me though. In fact, I think I own two black shirts myself. Then there is the hair. As you can see in the picture that I have provided at the beginning of this, that is what emo hair looks like. How to explain it though... well, all girl emo's are blond and all boy emo's have black hair (both usually dyed). Then all you have to do is grow it extremely long and take the hair in the front of your face and cover one eye. Only one eye though, this is essential for vision. But if I didn’t provide that picture, this is how I would explain it... Picture this, me setting my package on your head and having my dong hang over one eye. That is what it looks like, except for the fact that my package wouldn't be black. I just don’t understand this whole emo lifestyle. As I stated to my good friend and associate Sterling Clark, the whole I am sad and I don’t know why" thing doesn't make any sense. What the hell do they have to be sad about? Those clothes they are wearing are damn expensive, and if I had money to blow on lame ass clothes like those, I would be quite happy. Money makes people happy. Period. Another thing is the forth mentioned music. Jesus Christ is this shit horrible. Panic! at the Disco is one of these bands and I would like to rename the band to Panic! this music sucks. I have always complained about how annoying these bands are mainly because of their lead singers.

Blink 182 is the one that got me started on this rampage because the lead singer, Mark whatever the hell his name completely whines while he sings. Seriously, have you ever listened to it? He literally whines. I can sing better with my ass. These people, talking again about the emo people, need to live their lives and perk up a bit. There is nothing in life that bad that they have to dress in all black, fix their hair, light some candles, put on some Dashboard Confessional and slit their wrists. ITS NOT THAT BAD... If I would ever meet an emo person face to face and actually have an intelligent conversation with them, I would listen to their spiel about how life sucks, and then tell them how it ACTUALLY is. I would say “ life isn’t all peaches, puppies, and the smell of new carpet my friend, get over the breakup of you and your boyfriend of all of two fucking days, quite wining, get over it,  you whore.” I would then proceed to throw one of my many white t-shirts at them and walk away. Get a life, you bastards. The end...

Needless to say I was an angry teen. But I still somewhat feel that way especially about the way they dress. But I have matured with age when it comes to the music. My ears have changed and I now somewhat can understand what the music is about and why it was popular. So I sort of have a respect for it… but not really.

            Another type of music that has ALWAYS been on my shit list is country. There is only one thing I can say about this particular genre of music… It was made for one reason and one reason alone, to annoy the piss out of anyone who listens to it. It’s screeching fiddles and twangy singing is enough to make my want to throw a humidifier at passing car that’s playing it. I want to get to the bottom of whose ears can actually take that kind of punishment because I know mine can’t.

            I will give credit where credit is due though. I know that country music is arguably the most successful genre in the industry. For some reason hot women and men with fake southern accents flock toward it with their six packs of PBR and their large confederate flags waving from a gigantic Dodge Hemi’s. It’s a way of life for some people, I get that. They love to hear the idiotic droll of a country music star singing about the good ol’ US of A or drinking their sorrows away. All I have to say is no thank you. Id rather not do any of those things.

            There is one thing going for them though, gorgeous women. They may not be the most talented people in the world, in fact they could literally sound like a walrus, but if they all looked like Carrie Underwood I will watch them do their act. That’s probably how most people deal with the fact that they are actually listening to country music, they are basically looking at beauty queens. Let’s take, for example, a normal looking woman like Ellen Degeneris and have her release a country music album. I don’t know how I picked her, but I did. Then let’s take a woman like Scarlett Johansson, who is generally thought of as one of the hottest women alive, and have her release a country music album. Which one do you think would sell more copies? It’s a proven fact that sex sells, and I truly think that is the ONLY thing that drives the country music world, because frankly, country music is like taking a dry wall screw and dragging it on a chalk board to my ears. Better yet, like sticking a trombone up an elephant’s ass. Literally the worst thing ever.

            Pretty close to being the worst thing ever though is something that may be even more popular. This type of music makes absolutely NO sense to me. Country music actually makes a little sense to me because it follows the lifestyle of a subculture of people, hicks. But what the fuck does death metal follow? Maybe tattoo artists, maybe Satanists, or maybe even people who actually understand the linguistics of that stupid ass screaming/ belching noise they make when they “sing.” I mean seriously, who likes listening to something that is neither soothing to the ear nor the least bit good?

            I know I know, it’s all in the opinion of the listener, and this is only one mans opinion. But I guarantee there are a lot of people who think the same thing. I was on the campus radio station during my college days and I would probably say about half the people on the station played this crap. And no offense to them or anything but even though their favorite music is basically the anti Christ, they were pretty awesome people. Even the names of these bands suck. Take for example Cannibal Corpse… who the fuck came up with his stupid name? It’s like these record labels think of anything gory as a name of a band, slap the name of the band on a couple dicks who can play an instrument, find a guy who can growl really lowly and long, and then throw them out there. It’s not like they need musical talent. I lie, the drummer needs talent. But the other guys just kind of strum one note really fast for five minutes while the lead singer does some sort of mating ritual to the microphone. And is it me or is it a requirement for people in these bands to either have a beard or they have to be bald? Maybe I am making this up but I think of all of the bands that I have seen, every member is like that. What a crock of shit this music is. It’s literally a farce that people listen to it because, in my opinion, it takes no musical talent what so ever.

            Now they did try to do something about putting people in the industry with absolutely no talent. This ridiculous notion came about in when people noticed that Cher used it in her hit song “Believe.” Then people started just using it for absolutely no reason what so ever. Not for effect or anything, just because it sort of sounded cool. I could see using it sometimes. But rappers like T-Pain literally use it in every one of their songs. Why do they do this? It’s quite simple really, because they have no talent. They need some sort of tool to actually make them sing/talk in tune with the music. Its actually really sad to see this. That means literally anyone could get in the record business. Case in point, the hit viral video of 2011 “Friday” by some girl named Rebecca Black. Honestly the worst song lyrics I have ever heard. It’s like she read them on a kindergartners bathroom stall wall and she thought it sounded good. Well, this gibberish from a Kindergartner may have sounded coherent coming out of their mouth, but it sure doesn’t coming out of Miss Black’s mouth. It doesn’t even sound good in auto tune. Oh wait, nothing sounds good in auto tune because it sounds like a robot is singing.

            People even made songs bashing auto tune hoping it would abolish it from existence. Jay-Z made a song called D.O.A, or Death of auto tune. By the way, months later ironically this song was remixed using auto tune. I don’t know if people think this tool is serious or if people see it as a joke now because even the news is being auto tuned. The news is being auto tuned into hit records like the intruder song with that guy saying “hide your kids hide your wife.” I even bought that single on Itunes so it’s not like it wasn’t even that bad. It’s just the fact that this auto tune thing is making  stars out of people who otherwise shouldn’t be. Any schmuck of the street can jabber something into a microphone and then be auto tuned into a hit apparently. That isn’t cool. Not for something I hold near and dear to my heart. It should take absolute talent to make it in the music industry. Not some computer program.

            Since I went through my least favorite types of music, I think it is time for me to just list some of my least favorite bands of all time, either recent or older. No one is safe from my wrath…

Justin Bieber

Now you may be thinking to yourself, why is he putting this dude first? It’s the first one to pop into my head, that’s why. These are in no particular order. But the only thing I really hate about this faux man is his stupid fucking hair cut. What the hell is he trying to prove with that thing?  He literally looks like a mushroom. His mother probably cuts it. It’s basically the 2011 version of a bowl cut. But his music sucks too so don’t think I actually enjoy his music. In fact, it’s quite frustrating how annoying it is.

Muse

Now here is a classic example of a band that I kind of understand why they are popular, but then I think to myself… man they really shouldn’t be. I am actually pretty sure they won awards for their music which literally baffles me. Every one of their damn songs sound the same. And I know I exaggerate, but I am not exaggerating when I say that EVERY ONE OF THEIR SONGS SOUNDS THE SAME. Here is the musical scheme of each of their songs. There is an instrumental beginning with some sort of symphony. The symphony plays in the background while a guitar comes in. Then the lead singer comes in while singing at the same level the entire time in this unbelievably annoying tone. Then the song ends on some sort of musical interlude where it sounds like the lead singer is chanting something that has to do with what the chorus of the song was saying. The end. Awful.

Bruce Springsteen

I understand he is one of the most influential artists of all time and probably one of the most successful in the industry. I know he sells out thousands and thousands of seats in arenas. It just doesn’t matter. His music is neither good nor catchy. In fact you can’t even understand a damn word he says most of the time. I will tell you though, I do think it is very cool that Silvio from the Sopranos is in the band… in fact that’s bad ass, but that does not make up for the fact that his music sucks.  When he sings, it sort of sounds like his mouth is full of marbles. In the song “Glory Days” these are the lyrics… I had a friend was a big baseball player back in high school, mwuzh izps yuwjd hfhdka…. What the hell did he just say? See what I am saying? As Charles Barkley would say, turrible, just turrible.

Bob Dylan

Speaking of people you can’t understand…

The Doors

I have tried and tried and tried to get into this band because I kind of feel as though I should like them. But no matter what I do, I can’t enjoy their music. Jim Morrison was a great vocalist, but I think it has something to do with the annoying keyboard. Just think about it. Everyone has heard a Doors song. And just think about how annoying the keyboard is. This may be just one of those petty things that probably shouldn’t keep me from liking a band but it does.

Eminem

The worst rapper of all time. No doubt in my mind. His voice may be more aggravating than any other noise on this planet. It pierces my ears more than a tiger pistol shrimp would. If you didn’t know that’s the loudest animal on the planet... there is your stupid fact for the day… I remember when his first album came out. I heard this piece of trash on the radio and honestly thought it was a parody of something it sounded so bad. How did this fool get in the industry, I honestly want to know this. I would like to talk to that record executive who actually signed this annoying piece of trailer trash. Because I would probably make him realize that he should be doing a sitcom with Fran Drescher with that voice rather than making records. Also, what the fuck is he trying to pull off with that bleach blond hair? That just makes him look like more trailer trashy than he already looked and sounded. I guess people are into that sort of thing. Myself, I like listening to actual musicians who can speak without me thinking about killing myself.

Kid Rock

Seriously, where did this idiot come from? All of a sudden he comes out with this song with gibberish as lyrics and everyone blows a load over it. I for one thought it was awful because as usual I don’t usually like things other people like. That’s just my nature. He runs around with this midget too. Was that a gimmick or were they really friends? My vote would be that it was a gimmick, but I could be wrong. He, like Eminem, also looked like pure trailer trash. If I am not mistaken, I think those two came out around the same time, so maybe that was just the cool thing to do. Then don’t get me started on that song called “All Summer Long.” A terrible song where they ripped off the music of a band that he will never even come close to touching in greatness. I was actually offended when I heard it the first time. And I swear everyone and their damn mothers were singing that song that summer. I wanted to punch someone and still do when I hear that song.

Sublime

I really do not understand why this band is so popular. I know I said this about Muse, but every one of their songs sound the same. It’s actually kind of weird that I don’t like their music because I like reggae. I think in their music, the up beat really gets on my nerves. There may be some deep down thing where I know their race, and them using the up beat really just gets me angry. If I hear the “Santeria” song one more time, I might do something rash.

Nickelback

I am about 98% sure on this, but I think that there is not one Nickelback fan in the world. If they are a fan, that just makes them stupid. There is not one good thing about any of their songs. They are extremely simplistic, so much so that a monkey actually may have been the writer of their songs. One of the worst songs ever written, by far, is that “Rock Star” song. Sorry boys, putting Playboy bunnies in your video wasn’t going to save the fact that you were basically spewing garbage out of your mouths. Awful… purely awful…

Plain White T’s

Now I know why I hate this band. First and probably the most important thing is that their music is putrid. I don’t think I could find one person on this planet that is not a 12 year old girl, either of age or mentality, who actually likes them. With that in mind it is my ex fiancés favorite band.

With all that said, I love music. I just don’t like certain kinds of music. But I am always open to new suggestions and I am always open to exploring new artists and genres. But let’s face the facts, there is always going to be shitty bands out there and there will always be new shitty music coming out. But there will always be idiots out here who like it and will give their money to the music industry as well. That’s why people are stupid.

Tomorrow... Chapter 4: Driving

Chapter 2: (most) Women

Chapter 2

(most) Women/ Relationships

            Let’s be serious here for a second. I love women, period. There is legitimately nothing more beautiful in this world. I have seen things like car crashes, whales jumping out of the water, lumberjacks cutting down trees, and many other things that should have probably made my jaw drop. But none of those things have done that. The only thing that has ever actually made my jaw drop is when I see a beautiful women walk down the street. It’s uncanny. I literally turn in to a stereotypical bumbling idiot. But that’s not what makes me mad. What really pisses me off is the types of men that these people date.

            First of all, my left testicle is more interesting to speak to than most of these men. Their stomachs may be as hard as a wall but their intellectual conversational topics are as good as the material on the bathroom stale at your local truck stop. All they talk about are these stupid fucking shows on MTV like Jersey Shore or how much they love Lil Wayne. Don’t get me wrong, I like my share of Lil Wayne, but I sure as hell don’t like Jersey shore. The show is one small step below shock therapy. It makes my brain numb and I have only seen two episodes. But that’s not what this is about, Ill talk about stupid television a little later.

            The woman is attracted to the prototypical man. On the other hand the man is attracted to the prototypical woman. It’s just the way of life. All in all we are just animals and we go after what we want, not what we need. What most people need is a companion who has things in common with their partner and actually understand the needs of them as well. But that’s not how it works out, especially for younger people. I am currently 24 years old and I would like to still consider myself youngish. People my age and younger have a problem with looking for the right kind of companion. I have realized this for years now that I want to be with someone who I share common interests with. That’s all I really need. I mean, a good looking woman would obviously be wonderful, but that’s not what I “need”. That is the absolute first thing that most women look for. It’s quite obvious actually and if this makes people mad, oh well. Someone needs to say it. Well that and money. How the hell do you think Hugh Hefner has been married three times?

            What I have observed about women in my short and traveled life is that they are blinded by things that they shouldn’t even be worried about. For example, I know for a fact that most women look for the biggest douchers in the world. If he wears a tap out shirt, a chain, and his ass is hanging out the back of his jeans basically making them completely irrelevant, then that’s the one for them. Then the guy starts talking to them. It doesn’t even matter what he says. He could have a more irritating voice than Eminem, which is hard to do, but just because of their first impressions they are in with the girl. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. If I was in the same situation, wearing anything I own, but talked to her about virtually anything that they had an interest in, it wouldn’t even matter. Now let’s remember I am basing this off of younger people. People begin to realize the error of their ways eventually. And again, and I can’t stress this enough, not ALL women are like this.

            You know what’s even worse about all of that? If you tell them any of this, they get offended. Trust me I have tried to show them what they are doing but it just doesn’t matter. They just get pissed off and tell you what they think. Believe me, I have done it. I mean, who am I to try and help people from ruining some of the best years of their lives. Just last night in fact, someone asked me their opinion on a situation they are having with a man. She wanted my opinion on what I would want done if I was going after a woman and they had no interest at all. I told them my opinion of what I would want done and they basically told me they weren’t going to do that. The why ask me my opinion? Nothing frustrates me more than asking my opinion and the blasting it out of the water by saying that you don’t agree with it. Who the hell do you think I am, Dr.Phil? If you don’t then don’t ask me my fucking advice people. Trust me, I am going to give you my honest opinion and take it and leave it. It’s for the best, not for you to get offended or to throw out the window. 

            I have tried to go outside of my normal box myself. Go ahead, call me a hypocrite. I have made the mistake of judging people by their looks before knowing anything about them, but I learned my ways. It took a couple of times too. I remember the first time I ever did this was actually while I was working at the before mentioned restaurant that I hated so much. They hired this new girl to be a hostess and good lord was she gorgeous. I go and talk to her and work my magic, whatever little magic that   It doesn't feel good. Only bad thing about this situation is that I had to see her at work after that. Can anyone say awkward? I once again got stood up not to long after that by another good looking girl. I then thought to myself in a fit of anger, why the hell would these girls say yes if they had absolutely no intention of doing it? Its like they like to play these games with people and it doesn't make any sense. I then began to realize what I stated before. Maybe I shouldn’t be going after this certain “type” of girl. I mean, I don’t consider myself a bad looking dude. I’m no James Dean, but I’m no Eugene Levy either; I’m just myself. So maybe I should go back to going after girls with the same purpose in min I always had … getting along with them and having the same interests.

            Go back he says? You have to realize something… I thought I had the girl of my dreams. I thought I was set for life and I would never be doing things like awkwardly hitting on 18 year olds anymore. Way back in 2006 I started dating a girl, a girl named Jess. I remember like it was yesterday the first time I met her. It was at one of my good friends high school graduation party (his name is Alex but we call him Dig Dug). I was outside shooting hoops with everyone and this gorgeous red headed girl comes outside to watch. All I could think was, good lord… So after trying to impress her by making a bunch of baskets I go to Dig Dug to ask who she is and then I try and talk to her. We ended up talking the rest of the day, the rest of the night, the rest of the week and so on and so forth. Little did I know by making those shots outside of Dig Dug’s house had little to no effect on her at all because she didn't like sports. Being a huge sports fan, this should have been a given for me, but it didn't matter at that point. I had a beautiful girl in my life who was interested in me. Oh glorious days...

            We dated for a very long time, almost four years. Four years of dating for our age group is an eternity, it just never happens. It just seemed like nothing ever got old. We fought about dumb shit, because that’s what couples do, but we literally never had any big fights. We were like a match made in heaven. The only thing that eventually became of our demise was that we really didn’t have much in common. Which like I said before is a very important part to a relationship. But we were willing to bend the rules. She didn’t like sports, so she was willing to start going to games and she actually ended up liking baseball. I was willing to bend by doing things like trying the weird foods she liked. I really didn’t end up liking any of it. But there was more than that. There was just some universal bond that kept us together.

            There was some stuff that pissed me off about her though, like there is with most people. She was very dirty. Not by the way you think I mean, but meaning she didn't throw shit away or clean. It literally got under my skin so much that I basically refused to go to her house because her room looked like a garbage disposal. I’m not even exaggerating when I say I once found a bowl of old cereal with curded milk by her bed side once. Gross. Other than that there were usually about 372 empty cans of pop peppered all over her room, mail ripped and shredded all over her floors, an inch thick of dust, and some sort of sticky film on her computer desk. All I could ever say was, why the fuck don’t you clean? I even offered to clean it. I am one of the cleanest and neat people you will ever meet trust me. Another thing that really got me going was her taste in music. I don’t know what it is with people our age but I swear there is some sort of mental block that doesn’t allow them to listen to good old bands like the Rolling Stones or the Beach Boys. They just get offended by the soothing sounds of their timeless music. But other than that, we had a healthy relationship.

By year three things started getting really serious. Unbeknownst to her, I had bought an engagement ring and planned popping the question that summer, but I didn’t really know how to do it. So being that we were both fans of baseball, I did probably one of the lamest things possible. I proposed before a Pittsburgh Pirates game. It wasn’t inside the stadium, I wasn’t on the jumbo-tron or any of that corny shit, I just did it before the game. It was actually kind of sweet now that I think about it. I secretly planned on a bunch of our friends to be there waiting for us while I did the deed. I took her down on the river walk, which if you didn’t know is right next to the stadium, and I asked her while our friends were watching from inside by the fence. They rejoiced and congratulated us. This was, to date, the best day of my life. I had never seen her that happy before either. The game sucked though, let me tell you that right now. The Pirates lost to some shitty team and it rained the whole time. Some omen on one of the greatest nights of your life right? Not only that, it was umbrella night and they literally wouldn’t let us use them. What kind of stupid fucking rule is that? Anyways, I actually think it’s like every girls fantasy to get married. And when they are asked, all they see is that shiny ring and the word yes just pops out of their mouth, because it’s obvious she didn’t want to say yes. At the time she did, but it just got worse and worse.

 After a while and after I graduated from school, and a lot of her friends had graduated with me, it was time for her to make new friends. She got really close to another boy who lived on the same floor as she did. You would think this would have bothered me but it really didn’t. I am not the jealous type. Until one day I went up to school to surprise her and apparently her roommate, that boy, and her were having a sleepover. This just got me going. It was a really weird feeling actually because I have never been jealous before, at least of some nerdy kid. It had to have been going on for a while because the kid even brought his desktop computer over so he could play computer games. Nothing says sexy like World of Warcraft. So needless to say I was angry. I had absolutely no thought in my mind that she cheated on me, especially with this box of turds, but I didn’t trust him. We got through it but then another incident happened where she was talking to another dude online. Not like every once in a while, like ALL the time. Again, nothing I got angry about, because who really gives a shit. But then they started texting and that’s when I got pissed. We were actually on a family trip to Disney World and she was talking to him more than me and I literally flipped my lid. I didn’t feel good about it, and in all actuality I felt bad about it. But it needed to be said. That’s when I think I started going down hill.

            She came over one fateful rainy day and gave me a call to come out to her car. I knew something was up because it was a school day and she never came home on a school day. Needless to say I was excited to see her but again, I knew something was up. It just kind of happened. She probably gave me some stupid reason of why but I don’t fucking remember. I was an emotional mess. Unlike when we got engaged, this had been one of the worst times of my life. On top of her doing this, a couple of weeks before my dog that I had had all of my life passed away. So needless to say I was an emotional wreck. We sat in the car for an hour, tears rolling down both of our faces, screaming, the heat steaming up the car. It was an intense scene, something I never want to relive again really. I took the ring from her, got out of the car, and I have never really seen her again, willingly that is. I have run into her a few times but whatever. It’s the first girl I ever loved, but I really doubt, and hope, it’s not the last.

            But enough of that sappy shit, its just one of the greatest yet worst things that ever happened to me and probably one of the main reasons why women piss me off more than a lot of things. I mean, how can someone go from being so in love with a person and then not be at the drop of a dime? It seriously doesn’t make any sense to me. I understand those stupid fucking equations that Albert Einstein was trucking out back in the day more than I understand relationships. I mean it’s not like I changed. All I can assume is that she changed.

            Something was brought to my attention not to long ago about relationships. It actually makes a lot of sense and it never really dawned on me when they said it but a lot of relationships break up around the age of 21. 21 is a fun number when you first turn that age. You drink way too much and you make stupid decisions. Sounds like the nightly schedule of a lot of people I know actually. But other than that, what exactly is there? Nothing really… what does happen, apparently, is an epidemic swirling the nation. A terrible thing called… twenty-oneitis. What exactly is this strange disease? It’s not really a disease, per say, but a way of living. Apparently once a woman by the age of 20 turns the age of 21 and just so happen to be in a serious relationship, they just sort of break it off. I have talked to many people where this has happened and it happened to me as well. Ask around, I guarantee it has happened to at least one of your friends. Again, this doesn’t make sense to me. I understand you want to have “fun” because for some stupid ass reason you couldn’t before that age, but seriously. You have to be some sore of tool to do this to someone. Is there not a regretful bone in your body? Because if I did something like that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. That’s basically saying, I am dumping you because I want to go sleep around with other dudes while I’m drunk. Is that now how you read that one? Because that’s sure what it seems like to me. My advice to any girl out there who turns 21 and is in a serious relationship… Get it out of your system before you turn or think twice about doing it at all. You’ll probably regret it.

            Also, what’s with these girls who are with a guy who they know isn’t right for them. I have talked to many people who are in a relationship solely on the fact that they want to be in one. That’s a good reason. Who am I kidding…Here I am, basically trudging along life without a companion when the answer was right in front of my face. Date a girl who is completely wrong for me. That makes sense, not really. But it does to a lot of people. I honestly think people just date people because they can. I have met people who literally date people because they can’t stand being alone. Why can’t you stand being alone? Some of the best things happen then. You can watch lame television shows and not be embarrassed, you can look at naughty things on the internet, or even eat a lot. All of those things sound wonderful. The possibilities are endless! I spend most of my time alone. How do you think I found time to write this book? Don’t get me wrong, I love having a girl by my side, a companion I can do anything with and tell anything to, but I’m not just going to date someone because they are there. It’s just not in my blood.

            I also have known girls who have held on to something for way to long. What I mean by this is that these people are just waiting, and waiting, and waiting for someone to call them and save the day. I can think of two people in my life just at this moment who complain to me about how these stupid men to call them but they never do. One, which I am quite smitten over at this very moment, talks to this dude who is an absolute prick. I have never met the guy, but the things she tells me about him are unreal. He will literally ask her to hang out and then she responds, and he doesn’t respond to her the rest of the night. This happens daily. And it has also happened for a while now. But yet, she keeps going after him. I can’t fathom the reason why but it happens all the time with a lot of girls. Another friend of mine is sort of dating this guy who lives out of the state. He will just text her sexually explicit things and that’s about it. No hello, how are you, but he will say come out and have sex with me. Sounds like a great dude to be dating. But who am I to say. I just won most polite in high school.

            There are many adjectives I have read and talked about with other men that can be used to describe some of the bad qualities of a lot of women. Such awful words such as psychotic, worthless, selfish, and even greedy have been brought up. But the one that gets my gears going and gets me in a tizzy is when a woman is vain. The girls who think they are the hottest thing since a jalapeno enema and flaunt it with an attitude have another thing coming. They are not better than anyone else in this world, they just look really good. Just because you are easy on the eyes doesn’t mean they need to be total assholes about everything. The only way they are nice is if they meet another girl who is uglier than they are or if they meet a man who has a tan and a six pack. Even then they are sort of a prick. Let’s set up a situation… I walk up to a gorgeous woman in a bar and try and talk to her. I am a big dude, there are no bones about that one, but I am not huge. So if I would approach a beautiful petite woman, most likely they will be a little intimidated. Not only that, I have one of the manliest beards on the face of the planet. It’s sort of irresistible. But like I said, if I approached this beautiful petite woman, she would most likely try and get away and if that didn’t work she would shoot me down. It would be like a fucking Olympic biathlon.

            Last but certainly not least women say they want men who can take care of their needs. What the hell do they need that I already have provided them? Honestly, what do they want? Cookies? An omelet? A lawn mower? How about a purple heart? Who knows sometimes what women want. Check that, who knows what women NEED most of the time. It’s literally a guessing game. I remember when I was engaged, she would play these stupid guessing games with me, like I was supposed to read her damn mind. Here is something that would literally make relationships 100 times easier. Tell us what you want girls.

 I know that this probably sounded like a big whine fest on my part, but all of

these things are true. I have seen and experienced all of them first hand. People may even be offended by the things I said but those weren’t my intentions. Its just I really think women take relationships very seriously, and ultimately, they can't enjoy them as a result. In turn this brings all of these other factors that I discussed into play. But let me say this… Men aren’t exactly perfect at relationships either. We have our flaws to. We just don’t show them. 

Coming up... Chapter 3: Music